New Moon: Edward's POV
by Cullen1801
Summary: This is Edward's Version of New Moon. I do not hold any rights to anything. This is Fanfiction. Based on "New Moon" by Stephanie Meyer. PLEASE REVIEW! I would love to hear what you think!
1. Party

New Moon: Edwards POV

I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING. BASED ON "New Moon" by Stephanie Meyer

Chapter 1: Party

"Alice, Bella said that she didn't want her birthday to be celebrated. Why do you have to be so difficult?" I said to Alice as we walked out the front door to go to school. Today was Bella's birthday. September thirteenth. She's eighteen years old today. An age I would never be. An age I never made it to. Bella didn't want to celebrate her birthday. As usual, Bella didn't do the normal, human thing. Most humans loved birthdays and presents….

If I wasn't in her life, she would probably love her birthday. The only reason she didn't want to celebrate it was because she was turning a year older than me. She had a horrid fear of getting older because I couldn't get older with her. I couldn't grow and change with her. She would get older and older and I would forever be seventeen. Her physical appearance would continue to change as I stayed the same. But her mind, her personality, her warmth, and all the other things that I love about her would remain the same. She would still have those same, mesmerizing, chocolate brown eyes. Eyes that I always got lost in. And although I also wished that we could stay the same forever together, that meant dooming her to a fate that she did not deserve and so I would just have to suffer in silence. Her soul and her future are too important. We can't change what is supposed to happen. I want her to be normal. As normal as Bella can possibly be. If that means staying with her as she continues to grow old, than that is exactly what I'm going to do. I would gladly stay with her as she ages. She would always be my Bella. She would always be beautiful to me. Inside and out.

"Well, she is just going to have to deal with it Edward. This is her eighteenth birthday. This is a big day. It should be celebrated. She's only going to turn eighteen once." Alice said back to me, interrupting my reverie.

"But a party Alice! You're already pushing it by bringing the gift you bought her to school. You already know how's she's going to react when she sees it." This is her day. Even though she doesn't want to celebrate it. I still want her to be happy today. Especially today. And Bella isn't going to be very happy about this. But I can see Alice's point. She will only turn eighteen once………

"Please, Edward. Please, please, please," Alice pleaded.

"…………..Ok, Alice, but don't push her too hard. You know how you get when you want something and don't get your way. Be gentle with her. Don't make this harder than it needs to be."

"You act like I'm going to tie her down and kidnap her. It's just a party. A couple of hours. Geez, give me a break." Alice said. I didn't say anything else. I just threw her one last warning glance. She would know what it meant.

'_Ok, gentle, gentle I got it.'_ Alice thought.

We were pulling into the school parking lot now. Bella still wasn't here yet, but I could hear her truck nearby. She would be here soon and I would be whole again. I missed her so much last night. I wanted to stay with her, but I needed to hunt. Especially since I wasn't planning on letting her out of my sight today. It had been weeks since the last time I hunted. We spent every day together. We were practically inseparable. I hated being away from her. Not just because I was scared that something would happen to her, although that was definitely a concern, but because I just felt better….happier when I was near her.

After that whole thing with James was over, I was overbearingly protective for awhile. I didn't want her to be without my protection for a single second. This allowed so much time for us to be together. I thought that my protective nature would make her angry with me. But she didn't seem to have a problem with it. She seemed to enjoy my company as much as I enjoyed hers. Out of all the summers that have passed in my lifetime, this past summer was by far the best I have ever experienced. And the fact that it was probably the rainiest summer the Olympic Peninsula has ever had didn't hurt either. Although it wouldn't have mattered. The sun would never keep Bella and I apart, as it once had in the beginning. Bella loved me, vampire and all. My sparkling skin did not scare her. She actually thought it was beautiful. Typical Bella.

Bella pulled into the parking lot and parked her truck. As soon as I saw her face, my lips turned up into an involuntary smile. I would never tire of her beautiful face. She smiled when she caught sight of me and then frowned as she saw that Alice was holding a gift in her hand beside me. Here we go. I had almost forgotten Alice was standing beside me.

Alice skipped over to Bella to give her her present. I decided to stay behind to give them their space.

"Happy birthday Bella" Alice said once she got to Bella.

"Shh" Bella said in return. Glancing around the lot to make sure no one heard Alice mention her birthday. Bella hated to be the center of attention.

"Do you want to open your present now or later?" Alice asked her while they made their way to where I was standing. She already knew Bella's answer.

"No presents"

"Okay.." Alice said and then thought _" You'll get more at the party anyway. This can wait until then"_, "Later, then…… Did you like the scrapbook your mom sent you? And the camera from Charlie?"

"Yeah. They're great." Bella said with no enthusiasm.

"_I_ think it's a nice idea. You're only a senior once. Might as well document the experience."

"How many times have _you_ been a senior?" Bella asked Alice.

"That's different."

They finally made it to where I was and I held out my hand for Bella's. It always surprised me how my cold skin never bothered her. Doesn't repulse her as I thought it would. She was eager to hold it in hers. The warmth was always a pleasant feeling. I gently squeezed her fingers, silently greeting her. She looked into my eyes and her heart started to flutter. I smiled at it. Even though I couldn't read her mind, her heart always gave her away. I lifted my hand and ran my finger across her lips. These lips………..

"So, as discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?" Bella had forbidden me to even mention her birthday. She didn't want me to buy her anything. I wanted to get her a gift. Possibly a new car. I could never quite understand what she liked about that hideously slow truck. But the most important thing was what Bella wanted, and she didn't want any money spent on her. So I agreed. But………she told me not to buy her a gift, not that I couldn't give her a gift. I made her a CD of some of my favorite compositions. One of which was her lullaby. She loved to hear me play. I wish I could've bought a piano to put at her house so that I could play for her all the time. But I knew that was out of the question. Someday she would just have to accept other people taking care of her. Especially me.

"Yes, that is correct" she said.

"Just checking. You _might_ have changed your mind. Most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts." Bella was always the exception. She never acted like other humans.

Alice laughed at my statement. "Of course you'll enjoy it. Everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your way, Bella. What's the worst that could happen?" Alice was just joking, but Bella answered her anyway.

"Getting older" Bella said. Her voice was unsteady as she said this. I tried to keep the smile on my face, but it was hard. I hated that getting older caused her so much pain. And it was all because of me.

"Eighteen isn't very old," Alice said trying to comfort Bella. "Don't women usually wait till they're twenty-nine to get upset over birthdays?

"It's older than Edward," Bella mumbled and I could hear the sadness in her voice. I sighed. I hated for being the reason for making her so sad. What I wouldn't give to be human with her and change and age as she did.

"Technically. Just by one little year, though." Alice said. Again trying to comfort her. ' _Sorry Edward'_ she thought. She knew how I hated for Bella to be sad. To be unhappy.

It didn't help Bella though. She was still sad, lost in thought. These were the times where I wished desperately that I could read her mind. When she was so quiet and thoughtful. I wished I knew what to say to comfort her, but I knew the only thing that would comfort her was if I changed my mind about changing her into a vampire so that she wouldn't get any older. I would do anything for her, except that. So I just stayed quiet. Thankful, that Alice was there, because she changed the subject.

"What time will you be at the house?" Great. This definitely wouldn't make her feel better.

"I didn't know I had plans to be there." Bella said, sounding a little skeptical, like she knew Alice had something up her sleeve. She was so perceptive.

"Oh, be fair, Bella! You aren't going to ruin all our fun like that are you?"

"I thought my birthday was about what _I_ want." This would probably go on all day if I don't jump in.

"I'll get her from Charlie's right after school," I told Alice, thinking that that would end the conversation.

"I have to work," Bella protested. Always so stubborn.

Alice had already thought of this. "You don't actually, I already spoke to Mrs. Newton about it. She's trading your shifts. She said to tell you 'Happy Birthday,'"

"I-I still can't come over. I, well, I haven't watched Romeo and Juliet yet for English."

"You have Romeo and Juliet memorized."

" But Mr. Berty said we needed to see it performed to fully appreciate it- that's how Shakespeare intended it to be presented." Bella would come up with anything to keep from going to this party. I rolled my eyes. She _did _have the movie memorized. She could take that test today and pass it with flying colors. Alice wasn't going to give up though. She was just as stubborn as Bella.

"You've already seen the movie"

"But not the nineteen-sixties version. Mr. Berty said it was the best."

Alice ,finally, lost her patience with Bella. "This can be easy, or this can be hard, Bella, but one way or the other-" I interrupted her then. Not only was this starting to get on my nerves but she was ruining Bella's birthday. And I specifically asked her to be gentle with Bella and not push too hard. That was exactly what she was doing.

"Relax, Alice. If Bella wants to watch a movie, then she can. It's her birthday."

"So there" Bella added, a little too smug. She probably thought I was going to let her miss the party. Even though Alice was taking this whole birthday thing too far, I did understand what she meant about Bella not missing anything. I, too, didn't want her missing anything.

"I'll bring her over around seven. That will give you more time to set up." I told Alice.

Alice laughed. Pleased that she was getting her way. '_She'll love it Edward. Don't worry'_ Alice thought to me before she spoke. "Sounds good. See you tonight Bella! It'll be fun, you'll see." Alice kissed Bella on the cheek and then headed off to class before Bella could say anything else. Bella turned to look at me with a pleading expression.

"Edward, please-" she started. I put my finger to her lips to silence her protest.

"Let's discuss it later. We're going to be late for class." I told her as I led her to our first class.

I was able to get the administrators to rearrange my class schedule so that we had almost every class together. All of Bella's admirers didn't like that too much. Especially Mike Newton. He would just smile at Bella now to make her think that he had accepted our relationship. I knew better. He still secretly wished that I would fall off a cliff so that he could comfort Bella in her time of need. He even changed his looks that mimicked my own. Of course he couldn't pull it off, but I guess he gets points for the effort. We had to _die_ to be beautiful, beautiful to humans anyway………wait, that doesn't sound like a bad idea. If he wants to look like me, maybe I could kill him…………

Bella seemed to relax as the day progressed. I told Alice not to mention her birthday again so she didn't. I'm pretty sure Bella was thinking of ways to try to get out of the party. I would tell Alice later to drive the Volvo home. I would ride with Bella to keep her from trying to escape. Not that she could, but I'm sure she would try anyway.

Rosalie, Jasper, and Emmett were pretending to be off at college, so that left just Alice and I stuck in high school. We were pretending to be seniors this year. Now we sat at Bella's table with all of her friends. They sat at the opposite end of course, but that didn't bother us. We were used to humans being repelled by us. I still didn't understand why Bella wasn't afraid to be so close to us. It was like she had no _fight_ or_ flight_ reflexes. No instinct in her body warning of the danger. I wouldn't complain though. As long as she didn't mind being close to me, I was happy.

School went by quickly. I walked Bella to her truck and held the passenger door open for her. She folded her arms and didn't move. Of course, she would be difficult.

"It's my birthday, don't I get to drive?" she asked.

"I'm pretending it's not your birthday, just as you wished."

"If it's not my birthday, then I don't have to go to your house tonight……."

"All right……. Happy birthday," I said. I shut the passenger door and walked past her to open the driver's side.

"Shh" she whispered and got into the truck.

While she drove, I decided to throw a hint about her needing a new radio. I knew that Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper got her a new radio for her truck. She needed one. She needed a whole new car, but I guess I would have to settle for the radio. At lease she can't take the radio back. Once it's installed. And Alice will make sure tohave Emmett install it first so that she can't take it back.

"Your radio has horrible reception," I told her, shaking my head while I was searching through the stations.

She frowned. I knew she hated it when I picked on her truck. "You want a nice stereo? Drive your own car. "

It took everything in me to keep from laughing. She said that with a sharp tone, which only meant that she was nervous. Probably about the party. She always worried about the wrong things. I know how to make her forget her worries, though. We were in front of Charlie's house now and I reached over to touch her face. I pressed the tips of my fingers softly against her temples, her cheekbones, and her jaw line. Always keeping in mind how fragile she was. I could never make a mistake with her.

"You should be in a good mood, today of all days," I whispered to her.

"And what if I don't want to be in a good mood?" It was working already because her breathing was uneven. Which in turn did strange things to me…

"Too bad." I said and leaned in to kiss her. I loved kissing Bella. Her lips were always so warm and soft. My mouth lingered on hers. I hated to stop but it was always necessary. I was always as eager as she was to continue the kiss but she always made my self-control worse by getting a little too carried away. She wrapped her arms around my neck and threw more of herself into the kiss, as she always did. I wanted to keep going as much as she did. And keep going still…….

But I couldn't. I couldn't lose control. And so I always had to be the one to stop. I let go of her face and unlocked her arms from around my neck.

"Be good, please." I whispered against her cheek. I kissed her one more time and then, forced myself, to pull away. Her heart sounded like it was about to pound out of her chest. If my heart could beat, it would undoubtedly be beating out of my chest too.

"Do you think I'll ever get better at this? That my heart my someday stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever you touch me?" she wondered.

"I really hope not" I told her. I loved when her heart fluttered like that. The sound of her heart was the most significant sound in my world. I couldn't bear not hearing it. I've been doing everything in my power to make sure it keeps beating!

She just rolled her eyes at me. "Let's go watch the Capulets and Montagues hack each other up, all right?"

"Your wish, my command."

I went and laid across her couch while she started the movie. After she fast-forwarded through the opening credits, she sat on the edge of the sofa in front of me. She should've known I wasn't having that. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her against my chest. I pulled the blanket off of the back of the couch to wrap her in it while she laid against my chest. I wanted her as close as she could get to me but I didn't want her to freeze against my cold skin..

"You know, I've never had much patience with Romeo," I told her while the movie started. He was a very complicated character.

"What's wrong with Romeo" she asked. She sounded a little offended. She loved the classics.

"Well, first of all, he's in love with Rosaline-don't you think it makes him seem a little fickle? And then, a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. That's not very brilliant. Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own happiness any more thoroughly?" I said to her. I really didn't see the draw to the story. I never understood why it became so popular. So epic.

Bella sighed. "Do you want me to watch this alone?" she said.

"No.." I told her. "I'll mostly be watching you, anyway. Will you cry?" I asked her while I traced pattern on her arms.

"Probably, if I'm paying attention" she said.

"I won't distract you then." I told her and kissed her hair.

As we watched the movie, I whispered some of Romeo's lines in Bella's ears. I had to admit, although I didn't understand Romeo, he really did have some great lines. I thought Bella was joking when she said that she would cry, so when she did, it made me smile. I never understood it when women cried over something they saw on a movie or on television. They know it's not real. But they cry anyway. And Bella has seen this movie countless times, and it still makes her cry.

"I'll admit, I do sort of envy him here" I said to her, wiping her tears with a lock of her hair.

"She's very pretty" Bella said. Did she really think that I would envy him the girl? Especially when she was sitting right here in my arms.

"I don't envy him the _girl_-just the ease of the suicide" I told her. And then I teased her, "You humans have it so easy! All you have to do is throw down a vile of plant extracts…."

It surprised me when she gasped, "What?"

"It's something I had to think about once, and I knew from Carlisle's experience that it wouldn't be simple. I'm not even sure how many ways Carlisle tried to kill himself in the beginning…..after he realized what he'd become…." My voice had become serious and I didn't even realize it. I didn't want to upset her. I tried to make my voice light again, "And he's clearly in excellent health."

She twisted around in my arms with a frown on her face, "What are you talking about? " she demanded. She was angry. "What do you mean, this is something you had to think about once?"

"Last spring, when you were…..nearly killed…." It was hard, even now, with her safe and alive in my arms, to think about when I almost lost her last spring. At the hands of another vampire. That was one of the worst experiences in my life. Not knowing whether Bella would be alive when I got to her. I took a deep breath and tried to regain my tone. "Of course I was trying to focus on finding you alive, but part of my mind was making contingency plans. Like I said, it's not as easy for me as it is for a human." I could tell she was remembering what happened too. She started to trace the place on her wrist where James had bitten her. It made me angry again as I remembered how close he had gotten.

Bella shook her head, trying to make the memory disappear, I guessed, and asked "Contingency plans?

"Well, I wasn't going to live without you." Did she think I would just move on with my life without her? What a ridiculous idea! I continued, "But I wasn't sure how to _do_ it- I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help……" they would stop me if they even knew what I was thinking of doing. "So I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi." They would surely find some way to get the job done if I caused any kind of trouble.

In that instance, she was furious, outraged, "What is a _Volturi_?" she demanded.

"The Volturi are a family. A very old, very powerful family of our kind. They are the closest thing our world has to a royal family, I suppose. Carlisle lived with them briefly in his early years, in Italy, before he settled in America-do you remember the story?" I asked. I had told her this the first time she came to my house to meet my family.

"Of course I remember."

"Anyway, you don't irritate the Volturi, not unless you want to die- or whatever it is that we do."

Her face turned from anger to horror as she took my face in her hands and held it tight, well as tight as she could, "You must never, never, never think of anything like that again. No matter what might ever happen to me, you are _not allowed_ to hurt yourself!" she said, with her kitten like anger.

"I'll never put you in danger again, so it's a moot point."

"_Put_ me in danger!", she yelled. Always so forgiving. She never thought I did anything wrong. She was too good for me. But I knew, without a doubt, that it was my fault. "I thought we'd established that all the bad luck is my fault? How dare you even think like that?"

"What would you do, if the situation were reversed?" I asked her.

"That's not the same thing"

Her response made me laugh. I didn't see the difference. She continued when I didn't say anything.

"What if something did happen to you? Would you want me to go _off _myself?" she asked. The thought of anything happening to Bella, even if I was already dead, was still painful.

"I guess I see your point……a little. But what would I do without you?" I asked her. It seems like I didn't even have a life until I met Bella. Going back to a time without her was unbearable to even think about, let alone have to live it.

"Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence." She said as if it were that simple. I sighed

"You make that sound so easy."

"It should be. I'm not really that interesting." She said. There is no way that she would ever see herself clearly. She is, by far, the most interesting person I have ever met. And it takes a lot to capture my interest. I was about to explain that to her, but I decided against it. "Moot point" I said. And then I heard Charlie's cruiser coming down the street. I sat up and shifted Bella to the side so that we weren't touching anymore. It drove Charlie mad when he saw us touching. I needed to borrow Bella for the evening and I didn't want to give him a reason to say no.

"Charlie?" Bella guessed. I smiled to answer her question. After a moment, we both heard the sound of Charlie's cruiser pull into the driveway. As we did, Bella took my hand into hers. She was determined to make her dad deal with our relationship whether he wanted to or not. Even though I didn't like her starting anything with her dad, especially over me, it made me feel good when she grabbed my hand. Like she was proud to have me at her side.

Charlie walked in with pizza. He glanced at our hands for a split second, Bella didn't catch him. '_What does she see in this guy? I don't care what any of them say, I still hold him responsible for what happened last spring'_ Charlie thought.

"Hey kids," he said grinning, only to Bella. "I thought you'd like a break from cooking and washing dishes for your birthday. Hungry?"

"Sure. Thanks, Dad." Bella said. They went into the kitchen to eat. I passed on dinner, as I always did, and watched television until they got finished. When they came back into the living room, I turned to Charlie, "Do you mind if I borrow Bella for the evening?" I asked him. Bella looked at Charlie liked she was hoping he would say no. He disappointed her.

"That's fine-the Mariners are playing the Sox tonight, so I won't be any kind of company……here" he grabbed the camera Bella's mom bought for her and threw it to her. Of course she missed it, but I caught it before it hit the floor.

"Nice save," Charlie said. "If they're doing something fun at the Cullens' tonight, Bella, you should take some pictures. You know how your mother gets-she'll be wanting to see the pictures faster than you can take them."

"Good idea Charlie" I said as I gave the camera to Bella. When I gave it to her, she turned it on me and took a picture. "It works" she said.

"That's good. Hey, say hi to Alice for me. She hasn't been over in a while," Charlie said. He loved Alice like she was his own daughter. He had been very grateful for Alice for helping Bella after her "accident". I have to admit, I was a little jealous that Charlie didn't like me as much as he liked Alice. I wanted him to accept me. I wanted him to know the truth. That I had actually saved his daughter's life. But of course, he couldn't know that."It's been three days, Dad. I'll tell her" Bella told him.

"Okay, you kids have fun tonight." He was anxious to watch his game. I have never seen anybody watch sports as much as Charlie did. I smiled, thankful that he loved sports so much. Because otherwise he might have wanted his daughter all to himself on her birthday. I smiled at my victory, took Bella's hand, and pulled her from the kitchen.

I opened the passenger door for her when we got to her truck. She didn't argue as she did earlier. Probably because she could never find the turnoff to my house.

Driving her truck was like torture. It was so slow. I tried to make it go faster. The engine groaned louder as I tried to force it to go past the speed limit.

"Take it easy" Bella told me.

"You know what you would love? A nice little Audi coupe. Very quiet, lots of power…." And able to go above fifty, I thought to myself.

"There's nothing wrong with my truck. And speaking of expensive nonessentials, if you know what's good for you, you didn't spend any money on birthday presents."

"Not a dime" I said, but that reminded me. The others did spend money on her. I didn't want her to hurt their feelings. They are all really excited about this party.

"Good"

"Can you do me a favor?"

"That depends on what it is."

I sighed. She could never make anything easy. My face turned serious. "Bella, the last real birthday any of us had was Emmett in 1935. Cut us a little slack, and don't be too difficult tonight. They're all very excited."

"Fine, I'll behave." She said. I forgot to tell her that Emmett and Rosalie came back home for her birthday.

"I probably should warn you….." I said.

"Please do."

"When I say they're all excited…..I do mean _all_ of them."

"Everyone? I thought Emmett and Rosalie were in Africa." Bella said.

"Emmett wanted to be here." Emmett thought of Bella as the little sister he always wanted. And he also thought she was hilarious. Because she was so clumsy.

"But……Rosalie?

"I know, Bella. Don't worry, she'll be on her best behavior." Rosalie was the only one who never warmed up to Bella. But I wouldn't expect anything less from Rosalie. Everyone else loved Bella. That is enough.

It was quiet for a moment. Bella was probably thinking about Rosalie. I decided to change the subject. "So if you won't let me get you the Audi, isn't there anything that you'd like for your birthday?"

"You know what I want." She whispered. I did know what she wanted. Something that I could not bear to let happen. She wanted to be a vampire. I really didn't want to have this conversation tonight. Why did I have to change the subject.

"Not tonight, Bella. Please"

"Well, maybe Alice will give me what I want." Why was she so determined to be a soulless creature. A growl escaped from me before I knew it. She was very creative when she was determined to do something. Alice,………. as a matter of fact all of them, except Rosalie of all people, thought that it would be better if Bella were one of us. Especially since that was what she thought she wanted. It felt weird to have Rosalie agree with me. We didn't agree on anything.

"This isn't going to be your last birthday Bella". My tone was a little harsher than I intended it to be, but the subject made me so angry.

"That's not fair!", she yelled.

My teeth clenched together to keep myself from getting angrier. We were pulling up to the house. Perfect timing.

Alice had overdid it. As always. She always went overboard when she organized parties. Of course this would be no exception. There were bright lights shining from every window on all the floors except for my floor, Japanese lanterns hung from the porch, and big bowls of flowers lined the stairs on the front porch. I heard Bella moan as she took in all of Alice's decorations. I took deep breaths to calm myself from the previous conversation. "This is a party. Try to be a good sport."

"Sure" she said.

I went around to get her door and offered my hand to help her out. As she took my hand, she said "I have a question."

I just waited, until she asked her question.

"If I develop this film, will you show up in the picture." She said, playing with the camera in her hands. At that, I had to laugh. I helped her out of the car and pulled her up the stairs. Still laughing. We opened the door and they were all waiting in the living room for us. As we walked through the door, they all yelled 'Happy Birthday Bella'. Bella blushed. Inside the house, roses were everywhere. There was a table next to my grand piano covered with a white table cloth. On top of it were more roses, plates, Bella's presents, and a pink cake. Cake? Plates? What was Alice thinking? That we were actually going to eat the cake. What? So we would all just have to throw it up later?

'_I see you looking at the cake, Edward. We're not going to try to eat it. It's just decoration. Geez."_

I half-smiled at her, but I could sense the tension rolling off of Bella. I wrapped my arm around her waist and kissed the top of her head to reassure her that everything is okay. Esme came then and hugged her and then Carlisle. "Sorry about this Bella. We couldn't rein Alice in" He said to Bella. Knowing how she hated the spotlight. Emmett's lips stretched into a huge grin when he looked at Bella. It was easy to tell that he missed her. She missed him too.

"You haven't changed at all. I expected a perceptible difference, but here you are, red-faced just like always." Emmett teased.

"Thanks a lot, Emmett" Bella said, blushing even more. Emmett laughed at her. "I have to step out for a second." He winked at Alice, then said "Don't do anything funny while I'm gone."

"I'll try", Bella said.

Alice skipped over to Bella and grabbed her elbow, "time to open presents", she said and pulled Bella toward the table.

"Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything-" Bella said, but Alice interrupted her.

"But I didn't listen. Open it."

Bella was still holding her camera in her hands, so Alice took it and handed Bella Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper's present. The radio that Emmett was installing outside as we speak. Alice gave Bella the empty box that the radio came out of. Bella opened it and looked at it like she was waiting for the punch line.

"Um……thanks" she said. She even made Rosalie crack a smile. Jasper just laughed at her. He was still a little uncomfortable around her. Alice explained to Bella what it was.

"It's a stereo for your truck. Emmett's installing it right now so that you can't return it."

"Thanks Jasper, Rosalie" Bella said grinning. She threw a quick glance at me and then started smiling. She must be remembering when I was talking about her stereo earlier today. It must have clicked that it was all a setup. So perceptive. "Thanks Emmett!" Bella called out loud, as if he couldn't hear her even if she whispered. Emmett started laughing and that made her laugh too.

"Open mine and Edward's next," Alice said to her. Bella tuned to glare at me, "You promised." I was about to answer right before Emmett came running through the door. He was anxious to see Bella blush once she opened the rest of the gifts. "Just in time," Emmett said.

"I didn't spend a dime," I reassured her. I brushed a strand of hair from her face. I don't understand why it was so important that I didn't spend any money on a gift for her. I would have loved to get her something really nice or take her to a really nice restaurant. But she was so stubborn.

She took a deep breath and turned to face Alice as if she were facing a death sentence or something. "Give it to me," she said and then sighed. It's moments like these that I would love to be able to hear what she's thinking. Emmett laughed at her reluctance. She grabbed the package out of Alice's hands and while rolling her eyes at me for getting her something, even thought I didn't spend any money, she stuck her finger under the edge of the paper and gave herself a paper cut. Right then, even though I wasn't even paying attention to Jasper's thoughts, I heard what went through his head. And I saw his actions in Alice's foresight. The same thing that went through mine the first day I smelled Bella's blood. He wasn't Jasper anymore. He was a vampire. Through and through. He had no self-control. And didn't care to try to restrain himself. All he saw was red. All he wanted was her blood.

"Shoot," I heard Bella say when the paper sliced her finger. A drip of blood dropped from her hand and that sent Jasper over the edge.

"NO!" I yelled. I threw myself over to where Bella was standing and pushed her out of Jasper's sight. I used too much force to push her back and she went flying across the table. The table fell with her, including the cake, present, the flowers, and the plates, which shattered as they hit the floor. Bella fell into the shattered glass which made everything ten times worse. She held her arms out to try to catch her fall, but ended up scraping them in the shattered glass which made her bleed even more. Jasper slammed into me in an attempt to get to her. I loved my brother and I know he can't help himself, but there is no way I'm going to let him get to her. No way. If I had to, I would kill him before he got any closer. Snarls were creeping out of his chest as he continued to try to shove past me. Jasper began snapping his teeth inches from my face. If he continued, this would not end good.

It's like Emmett read my mind, out of nowhere he grabbed Jasper in a steel grip. Jasper continued to struggle to get free, even then. His eyes were wild, excited, thirsty, and focused only on Bella. My world. My life. He was determined to get to her. To drink her blood. What a terrible situation. This has gone too far. I stood there, hands spread protectively in front of Bella. No one was getting past me. They would have to kill me and tear me to shreds before they got to her. It was now me against my family. This is what it has come to. I wanted to turn around to look at Bella, to see if she was ok. But there was no way I was going to get caught off guard. I heard all of their thoughts. I knew that they weren't going to do anything to her. Except for Jasper. But they were all ravenous for her blood. All of their eyes were excited. But they controlled themselves. Still I wasn't taking any chances. In that moment, it was me against them. We were no longer the Cullen family. We had separated that quickly. They were bloodthirsty vampires and I was standing in the way of their prey. It was going to be either me or them.

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	2. Stitches

**New Moon: Edward's POV**

**I hold no rights. Based on "New Moon" by Stephanie Meyer**

**Chapter 2: Stitches**

I stood there, my arms spread wide, glaring at my family, but mostly at Jasper as he was still trying to get past Emmett to Bella.

"Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside." I heard Carlisle say.

Emmett nodded to Carlisle, realizing the seriousness of the situation, for once, and said, "Come on, Jasper." I still stayed focused on Jasper. He was still trying to break Emmett's hold on him. He was still reaching towards me, baring his teeth. He was still past reason. So I crouched further over Bella and sent him warning growl, just to let him know that I fully intended on doing whatever it takes to protect Bella. _Whatever _it takes.

Rosalie stepped in front of him then and helped Emmett get Jasper through the door. Rosalie's face was smug as she helped him, _' I knew this would happen sooner or later. They didn't listen. Ha, I told him'_ Rosalie thought as she helped him out the door. I didn't have time to deal with her. I would soon enough thought. Esme held the door for them while they led him out. She held her mouth and her nose to keep from smelling the blood. She felt so ashamed that Jasper had reacted the way he did and also because, no matter how much she loved Bella, she was still a vampire and Bella's blood smelled too good. She had to leave too.

"Let me by, Edward." Carlisle said, approaching me. I knew he was in total control, but, just for a second, I hesitated. I was on edge and the only thing that mattered was Bella's safety.

'_I need to take care of her wounds, Edward. She's still bleeding.'_ Carlisle thought. I nodded slowly and relaxed my position. He knelt down beside her to examine the damage. I looked at her face. This was the first time I had a chance to look at it since she cut her finger. I couldn't afford to take my eyes away from Jasper long enough to see how badly _I _had her. She was still in shock, of course. It was all over her face. If I asked her about it, though, I'm sure she would just deny it. But I could see it. She was trying her best to compose it, but it was too late. I already saw it.

Alice stayed in the room also, but she had kept her distance until she could compose herself. She warned me with her thoughts before she stepped closer, my back was to her, _'It's just me Edward, and I'm fine. I just want to hand Carlisle a towel.' _I just nodded.

"Here, Carlisle," Alice said to him, handing him the towel.

Carlisle shook his head at her. "Too much glass in the wound." He made a tourniquet with a torn piece of the table cloth and wrapped it above her elbow. "Bella, do you want me to drive you to the hospital, or would you like me to take care of it here?" Carlisle asked Bella.

"Here, please" she whispered. I wished there was something I could do. I wish I could take care of her like that. Carlisle was totally in control. And here I am, thirsting for her blood even more that Jasper was.

"I'll go get your bag" Alice said, pulling me from my self-pity.

Carlisle looked at me then, "Let's take her to the kitchen table."

I lifted her out of the broken glass while Carlisle kept pressure on her arm to stop the bleeding. "How are you doing Bella?" Carlisle asked her. Why haven't I asked her that yet? Why haven't I said one word to her since this started? Oh….that's right. I haven't taken a breath since it started. Afraid that if I did, I would end up in the same position Jasper was in, and I, unlike him, would probably end up really killing her. What a mess.

"I'm fine," Bella said. Her voice was surprisingly steady. Alice had returned and I sat her gently into a chair while Carlisle pulled up another and went to work on her arm. I still stood over her protectively, still not breathing. Not because I sensed any real danger, but because this was my Bella and we were all still vampires. I was still in shock at what had just transpired.

"Just go, Edward," Bella said to me. I can do this, I can do this. I kept chanting in my head.

"I can handle it," I responded back to her. I know she could see how rigid my jaw was. I hated being this weak. The girl I love is sitting right here in front of me, hurt, and all I could think of was how sweet her blood smells to me. This is all wrong. This isn't right.

"You don't need to be a hero," she continued, "Carlisle can fix me up without your help. Get some fresh air." She was always worrying about me. Never about herself. Here she was, bloodied and bruised, and she was worrying about how this affected me. Not frightened like she should be. She knew, I told her, how her blood smells to me. How much effort I put into being around her, even when she isn't bleeding. She knew at any moment it could be too much and I could kill her, but she had too much faith in me as always. She was right though. I'm not doing anything useful here, except not breathing in her scent. I could get some fresh air and be right back. Carlisle continued working on her arm, he put some antiseptic on it to clean the wounds and Bella winced.

"I'll stay," I said immediately. I hate to see her in any kind of pain. I need to be here for her.

"Why are you so masochistic?" she mumbled.

Before I could respond, Carlisle interceded, "Edward, you may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far. I'm sure he's upset with himself, and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now."

"Yes," Bella quickly agreed, "Go find Jasper."

"You might as well do something useful," Alice added. So they were all going to gang up on me were they. _'She'll be fine, Edward. I'll make sure of it. I'll take care of her. You really need to get some fresh air. You don't look so good. And it's not helping Bella to see you like this.'_ Carlisle thought. He was right. He would take care of her. He is more than capable to take care of her. I was the one who couldn't. And I do need some fresh air, I haven't taken a breath since she cut her finger. I simply nodded and left through the kitchen door.

I went out back to the river and took a deep breath. I found the rock that I sat on when I came here to think sometimes. I looked up at the stars and, with a clear head, started to think. What had just happened in there? Had my brother just tried to kill Bella, my love? And, in turn, had I planned to kill him and anyone else who got within ten feet of her? My family? What a horrible situation. This has gotten out of hand. As much as I hated to even think the words, maybe Rosalie was right. This was inevitable. It was going to happen sooner or later. Especially with as clumsy as she was. What was I thinking? I was so selfish to think that I could be with her. A human. Am I never suppose to have happiness? The kind that Carlisle and Esme thought I deserved? When I thought that I finally found it, the package that it came in was my opposite in every way. Was God laughing at me? Probably.

' _Edward, I am so, so very sorry. I don't know what happened. I just smelled her blood and my thirst took over. I'm so sorry. You have no idea.'_. Jasper's thoughts interrupted me. Just then he came around the corner. I turned around with the intentions of glaring at him for his actions earlier, but I couldn't bring myself to be angry at him. He could sense that and so he walked over and sat beside me.

"Edward, you're not angry." He concluded, surprised and relieved.

"No, I'm not angry. I understand. I know all too well. You should've seen me that first day in our biology class when I first got a whiff of her scent. It took everything in my power not to kill her and every other witness in the classroom. As soon as I smelled her, every ounce of self-control had disappeared and I was just a vampire and she was my prey.", I admitted to him. I don't think I've told anybody that.

"But you did control yourself, Edward. I just acted like an animal in there. And poor Bella. She must've been terrified. She would never forgive me for this. Nor Alice…….." he paused, shaking his head.

"Jasper, we've been at this a lot longer than you have. It's ok. It's happened to the best of us. Don't worry about it. No harm done, right?" I said to him.

"Right, no harm done. I'm still sorry Edward……"

"Jasper, it's fine. Go talk to Alice. I'm sure she isn't upset with you either."

"Ok, Edward. Thank you. I will make it up to you. And I'm sorry again." He said and walked away. I didn't have it in me to argue with him now. I was angry, a little, about what had happened. I knew Jasper couldn't help himself. I saw that in his thoughts, but that was still Bella. Of course I had more words for him, some that I would never speak in front of a lady, but I had more important things to think about now.

I didn't know what I was going to do next. I have to figure something out. But for now, I should go in and check on her.

I walked back in the house. I heard Carlisle talking to Bella about when he changed me. I caught the end of it though, "I wasn't sorry, though. I've never been sorry that I saved Edward." He paused. He heard me in the dining room. "I suppose I should take you home now."

I walked through the dining room then, trying to compose my face from the pain that was trying to break free. " I'll do that," I said.

"Carlisle can take me," she said. She looked at her clothes and saw how bad they were, covered in cake frosting and blood.

"I'm fine. You'll need to change anyway. You'd give Charlie a heart attack the way you look. I'll have Alice get you something." I told her and walked back out of the kitchen. I have to get it together before I face her again. She will definitely know something was wrong. She always saw through my pretenses. Alice met me at the stairs.

"Edward, what's going on? Your future……Bella's future…..it's…I don't know, something's changing." Alice said. I should've known she would see something was wrong.

"Could you please get Bella something to wear back home, I don't want Charlie to see her like that." I purposely avoided her question. I don't even know how to answer it. Not yet anyway.

"Edward, what are you……" Alice insisted. But I cut her off.

"Alice, I don't know. Can you just please do as I ask?" I said to her.

"Sure…" she said.

We walked back to the kitchen through the back doors. I was still having a hard time covering up my grief about what happened. Alice didn't make it any better. She hurried to Bella to help her find something to wear.

"C'mon, I'll get you something less macabre to wear" Alice said. They headed upstairs to Esme's room. Carlisle looked at me with a wistful expression. He didn't say anything. I could hear him trying to control his thoughts. He didn't want to make anything worse. He was concerned about me. As always. But he knew I would come to him if I wanted to talk. Esme was the only one to speak, "How are you, Edward? You don't look so good."

"I'll be fine. I've just got a lot on my mind, that's all. You don't need to worry," I assured her, but that was far from the truth. A solution to this problem was occurring to me, but I was trying to find any other way to fix this. Anything but that. I stood by the door waiting for Bella and Alice to return so that I could get Bella home safe and sound. After awhile they came down the stairs. As she got to the bottom, I held the door open for her, without saying anything. I could barely control my facial expressions, I knew my voice would certainly give me away.

"Take your things," Alice told Bella while she handed her her presents and her camera. "You can thank me later, when you've opened them."

Esme and Carlisle told her goodnight. They stole glances at me before we walked out of the door. Wondering silently if I would be ok. We walked silently to the car and I held the passenger door open for her. She got in without saying anything. She knew something was wrong. How could she not? Even if she wasn't as perceptive as she was, it was obvious. She tore the ribbon off of the stereo and kicked it under her seat before I got in on the driver's side. I didn't say anything when I got in. I didn't even look at the stereo. Or her. We rode in silence. I was still thinking of another option besides the one that was looming over my head.

"Say something", Bella begged.

"What do you want me to say?" I knew my voice would give me away. It had no emotion.

"Tell me you forgive me," she said. Just like Bella. Taking the blame for something that was so far from her fault.

"Forgive _you_? For what?" My words came out sharper than I intended them to, but her words had made me angry. She was not going to take the blame for this. Not this.

"If I'd been more careful, nothing would have happened." She said.

"Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut- that hardly deserves the death penalty."

"It's still my fault." This made me even angrier. How could she blame herself for what happened? If her goal was to get me to say something, it had been accomplished.

"Your fault? If you'd cut yourself at Mike Newton's house, with Jessica there and Angela and your other normal friends, the worst that could possibly have happened would be what? Maybe they couldn't find you a bandage? If you'd tripped and knocked over a pile of glass plates on your own-without someone throwing you into them-even then, what's the worst? You'd get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room? Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up- and he wouldn't be fighting the urge to kill you the whole time he was there. Don't try to take any of this on yourself, Bella. It will only make me more disgusted with myself."

"How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?" She demanded. She was angry now. Could I do nothing right tonight?

"Mike Newton ended up in this conversation because Mike Newton would be a hell of a lot healthier for you to be with," I growled at her. He would be safer for her to be with. She would be happier. _I_ had hurt Bella the worst, tonight. She started out with just a paper cut. I had to throw her into the table and now her arms were bandaged up in gauze from her scrapes and cuts from the glass that I threw her into.

"I'd rather die than be with Mike Newton. I'd rather die than be with anyone but you." Under normal circumstances, this would have made me happy. To hear that she wanted only me. But tonight, those words only made me angrier. The words she used were right on point. She would get herself killed trying to be with me. Being around me kept her in constant danger.

"Don't be melodramatic, please," I told her.

"Well, then, don't you be ridiculous."

I didn't respond back. I just glared out the window. Trying my best to gather my thoughts. I hated being this angry around her. And it was still her birthday. When we made it Charlie's house. I cut the truck off, but my hands were still clenched to the steering wheel. It felt like they were glued there.

"Will you stay tonight?" she asked me. Why would she want me to stay after what happened tonight?

"I should go home," I told her. I needed to think and she needed to rest. Maybe she could salvage what was left of her birthday without me as a reminder of what happened tonight.

"For my birthday," she said. Oh, now she wanted to acknowledge her birthday.

"You can't have it both ways-either you want people to ignore your birthday or you don't. One or the other."

"Okay, I've decided that I don't want you to ignore my birthday. I'll see you upstairs." She said while hopping out of the car and reaching for her presents. I frowned. Those presents were the cause of this whole mess. If we hadn't gotten her presents, like she asked, then she never would've cut her hand.

"You don't have to take those." I told her.

"I want them," she said.

"No, you don't. Carlisle and Esme spent money on you."

"I'll live," she said, as she tucked the presents under her arm. Her good arm. The arm I hadn't injured. I flashed to her side to grab her presents. "Let me carry them, at least. I'll be in your room."

She smiled and thanked me. Her smile encouraged me to try to put these negative thoughts and feelings away until I was alone. She didn't deserve this. Especially not right now. I would get my emotions in order for her.

"Happy birthday," I sighed and I leaned down to kiss her. She reached up to make the kiss last longer. Getting carried away as always. I pulled away and smiled at her. Nothing ever bothered her. I ran up the side of her house up into her window to wait for her. I positioned myself in the center of her bed and twirled one of the boxes in my hand. Trying to calm myself. Trying to be me, for her. She didn't converse long with her dad. She was in a hurry to get back to me. She rushed while she was in the bathroom and then she was walking through the door. "Hi" I said. She came to the bed, pushed the box out of my hand, and climbed into my lap. I could be like this with her forever.

"Hi," she said back, snuggling herself into my chest, "Can I open my presents now?"

"Where did the enthusiasm come from?" ,I wondered out loud.

"You made me curious," she said. Then she picked up Carlisle and Esme's gift. "Allow me" I told her. We didn't need a repeat of what happened. I tore the paper off the gift and handed it back to her.

"Are you sure I can handle lifting the lid?" she said, but I ignored her. Carlisle and Esme had bought us two tickets to go see her mom in Jacksonville. It's been awhile since she's seen her. And I wouldn't mind the vacation…….if I were going with her.

"We're going to Jacksonville?" she asked. She was excited about it. Genuinely.

"That's the idea." I told her, surprised by her sudden excitement.

"I can't believe it. Renee is going to flip! You don't mind, though, do you? It's sunny, you'll have to stay inside all day." Always worrying about me. I really didn't deserve her.

"I think I can handle it," I replied. And then a frown crept onto my face. "If I'd had any idea that you could respond to a gift this appropriately, I would have made you open it in front of Carlisle and Esme. I thought you'd complain."

"Well, of course, it's too much. But I get to take you with me!" she said. It made me laugh and the laughing felt natural. Even after what all happened tonight, being with her now, it all seems like a distant memory. She always had a way of making all of my worries go away. "Now I wish I'd spent money on your present. I didn't realize you were capable of being reasonable."

After I said that, she set the tickets down and reached for my gift. I grabbed it before she could and unwrapped like I had the last one. I handed her the CD I made for her.

"What is it?" she asked.

I didn't say anything. It would ruin her reaction if I just told her what it was. I simply took the CD from her and put it in her CD player and hit play. We sat there until the music began. As the music filled the room, I waited for her reaction. Would she like it? What was she thinking? As I watched her face closely for any reaction, her eyes started to fill with tears. What was wrong with her?

"Does your arm hurt? I asked.

"No, it's not my arm. It's beautiful Edward. You couldn't have given me anything I would love more. I can't believe it." she said and then became quiet as she absorbed my compositions. Wow, she really loved my gift. I thought she would give me grief for getting her anything. Well, at least I got one thing right tonight. Her lullaby was playing. It was the first song.

"I didn't think you would let me get a piano so I could play for you here," I explained to her.

"You're right"

"How does your arm feel?" I asked her.

"Just fine." Bella will be Bella. Never wanting to be taken care of. I knew her arm had to be hurting. The medicine would have worn off by now.

"I'll get you some Tylenol."

"I don't need anything," she protested, but I ignored her and headed for the door.

"Charlie," she whispered.

"He won't catch me," I told her slipping out of the door, grabbing the Tylenol from the bathroom cabinet and the glass, and slipping back in her room before the door had time to close. I handed them to her and she took them without any complaints. Surprisingly.

"It's late," I told her. It was late and she had to be tired from the stress of the evening. And I needed to think. I picked her up with one arm and pulled the cover back with the other arm. I laid her down and tucked the quilt around her, so my temperature would'nt give her chills, and I laid down next to her. She leaned her head against my shoulder and sighed.

"Thanks again," she whispered.

"You're welcome."

The music was still playing in the background. She listened while my mind drifted to more unhappy thoughts. What is the right and wrong thing to do here? I had thought, even given myself excuses, convinced myself, that me staying with her was the right thing to do. She needed protection, I told myself. She needed me. But now, that very excuse, has turned into the wrong thing to do. Staying here with her as proved to be the worst decision I have made since I met her. I wish I knew the right answer.

"What are you thinking about?" Bella asked, interrupting me. I hesitated for a second, wondering if I should tell her the truth. That I was thinking about leaving, for her.

"I was thinking about right and wrong, actually." That wasn't a lie. It just wasn't the whole truth. She had been through enough. The truth would just upset her more. I expected her to press the issue, to probe more, but she decided to change the subject.

"Remember how I decided that I wanted you to _not_ ignore my birthday?" she asked anxiously. She was trying to distract me. Probably from thinking about right and wrong. That's why she changed the subject.

"Yes."

"Well, I was thinking, since it's still my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again."

"You're greedy tonight."

"Yes, I am-but please don't do anything you don't want to do," she added.

Yeah, like I could ever _not _want to kiss Bella. "Heaven, forbid that I should do anything I don't want to do, " I said as I put my hand under her chin and pulled her face up to mine. While we kissed, her heartbeat started to flutter, as it always did, but something was different. This did something different to me. Made me feel different. Like something inside me knew that, someday soon, I would not be able to hear her heart flutter. Someday soon, I would not be able to feel her soft, gentle lips moving against mine. This feeling brought me back to when I had to leave her last spring to hunt James. That feeling of loss, of desperation, came rushing back and I suddenly had the urge to throw myself into the kiss. As if she could be snatched away at any moment. I didn't want to let her go. My fingers twisted in her hair and I secured her face to mine as if I wanted to somehow mold them together so that they could never part. Her hands tangled in my hair also and if felt as if she wanted to do the same thing. Mold our faces together so that we could never be apart. This was more than I usually allowed between us, but at the moment, it didn't matter. Nothing mattered but her in my arms. Her body close to mine, her lips moving with mine. She crushed her body to mine eagerly, and as she did that I knew that I had taken this too far. I stopped immediately and pushed her away. She fell back on her pillow, gasping for air. I sometimes forgot to give her time to breath when we were kissing. I didn't need the extra air. It came as a surprise to me, and I'm sure to her as well, that I was breathless too. Although oxygen wasn't a necessity for me, especially when we were kissing, the desperation to be near her, to kiss her made me anxious.  
"Sorry. That was out of line," I said to her.

"_I_ don't mind," she said. I frowned at her. She never minded pushing me over the limit of my self-control. She never took seriously the fact that I could kill her if I got too carried away.

"Try to sleep, Bella" , I frowned at her. She has really had a rough night. All because of me. Because I chose to allow her to be a part of my world. What was I thinking?

"No, I want you to kiss me again." She said.

"You're overestimating my self-control", I said, which was nothing new. She often forgot, or pretended to forget, how her blood tempted me. Let alone how, so very much, her body, being so close to mine, also tempted me in other ways……….

"Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?", she asked. Is that a trick question?, I thought to myself.

"It's a tie", I grinned, despite the fact that I was feeling totally and utterly helpless and unworthy of her presence in my life right now. How could I have let this happen?, I thought. All expression left my face as I thought of that and then I was suddenly serious. "Now, why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?"

"Fine" she agreed, snuggling herself close to me. Her warm body did strange things to me…….But I shouldn't be thinking about that right now. As she allowed herself to finally try to get some sleep, I felt her place her arm against my shoulder. Maybe the coolness of my skin made her arm feel better. I think she was trying to be sneaky about it. Did she really think I wouldn't notice? I started to ask her about it, if she was still in pain, but my cold skin seemed to make her feel better and that's all that mattered.

Bella finally fell asleep as I continued to stare at her face as she drifted. She is so beautiful, I thought. How is it that this magnificent, perfect creature is meant for me. A monster. Far from magnificent.

I just continued to stare……. Her face was so smooth with all expression wiped away as she dreamed.

I'll bet every dollar I have that she was dreaming about me. Even after what I have put her through tonight. What I have put her through since we met. She still dreams happy dreams………. of me. Oh, how I don't deserve her.

Then I started to wonder if she felt the urgency of my kiss. Then I shook my head…..More than likely she did. Bella noticed everything. I couldn't help myself though. I got caught up in the moment. I could kiss her forever…….. Feeling our lips move in synchronization like they were meant only for each other. Feeling her tongue trace across my lips and set every nerve in my body on fire. Hearing her breathing accelerate as I kissed her from her temple, down her jaw, across her throat, and her collarbone…….I can't go there right now, though. And I ripped the image from my mind. There is a more pressing issue that needs to be taken care of.

I have to do something about this impossible situation that I have created. She deserves to live a happy life, free from any danger, free from vampires. Especially vampires. Every since she has become a part of my life, she has been in constant danger from being harmed by our kind. Now, my own brother has endangered her life.

As long as we are together, she will always be in danger. I am so weak. I may be strong in strength, but internally, I am weaker than any human. I should have left when she first got to Forks like I wanted to. Before I fell in love with her. I should have been strong enough to leave, instead of being selfish. Even after I realized I loved her, I should have loved her enough to leave her, protect her from what I am. I will love her enough now. I have to leave. I have to leave Bella. Just thinking those words pained my expression.

Leave Bella?, I thought and let out a sigh.

Just the sound of those words echoing in my head sent a shrieking pain in my hollow heart. This girl is everything to me. To my existence. _She_ is my soul. But I have to do whatever I can to make sure she is happy and safe, no matter how much pain it causes me. She must be safe.

"Edward", Bella sighed as she dreamed.

She _is_ dreaming of me. Well, there goes every dollar I have. It's amazing how the sound of my name coming from her lips still sends chills through my body. I love her so much. If I could cry, tears would be streaming down my face. What am I going to do without her? How will I survive? And then I corrected that last question.

How will I survive ……..if something terrible happened to her? This is the most important question. That question overrules any feelings of indecision I have about leaving. She must exist. I will survive it, the pain, the suffering, the agony, I will make myself survive it all as long as I know she exists.

"I Love You, Edward…….." she sighed again and then turned over with a slight smile on her lips.

I have to go tell my family about leaving before she continues to speak the words that will compel me to stay. As I got up to leave, she clutched her hands on my shirt. I looked at her thinking that she was awake. The strength that she put behind holding on to me, she had to be awake. But she was still sound asleep. It was as if she knew that I was about to leave. Not just leave to go home, but leave forever. As I pryed her hands from my shirt, I realized that this was going to be extremely hard. It's going to be nearly impossible for her to let me go. But I must.

I leaped out of her window and raced home. When I got there, Alice met me on the porch. By the look on her face, I could tell that she already knew what I was there for. Her expression was mixed between a scowl and pain. I had thought that this would be the easiest part of all of this. Telling my family that we have to leave. But looking at her face, I could see that this was going to be very hard for them to. I am hurting everyone I love the most. I am a terrible person. I should not exist.

As I approached, Alice started to say something, but I interrupted her.

"It's for the best Alice", I said.

"The best for who Edward. It's not the best for me, it's not the best for you, and it is _most definitely not _the best for her. This will devastate her Edward."

"She will get over it eventually. Over me." As much as I didn't want her to get over me, as much as I wanted her to love me forever, as I would her, she had to get over me. She had to forget me. "It's the only way to make sure she is safe, Alice. She deserves to be happy. She deserves to be free from danger. Our presence in her life puts her in danger. Can't you see that!? If she would not have been in the clearing with us playing baseball last spring, James would never have gotten a whiff of her scent and tried to kill her. If she would not have been at our house, Jasper wouldn't have tried to attack her. Every time she has been in danger, it has been because of me. She does not deserve this." My voice broke on that last sentence. Alice would never know how much pain this is causing me to do this. Not now anyway. But I must hold my confidence while explaining this to her. To them. They don't need to detect any confusion about the decision on my part or they will do whatever they can to try to convince me to stay.

"Edward, I think Bella should at least have a part in this decision. This affects her life too you know. This affects all of our lives. You are not the only one who loves her. We all love her, especially me. What about Esme? You know she already considers Bella as a daughter. Have you thought about that? Have you thought about anyone besides yourself? You cannot make this decision for her. You cannot make this decision for all of us!." Alice practically growled at me.

"The decision is made, Alice. I did not come here to discuss this. I came here to let you know that we ARE leaving and that you need to prepare to leave." I kept my voice at stern as I could under the circumstances.

"Edward, you can't make me leave. You may leave if you wish. But she is my best friend and I will not hurt her like this. This is stupid! This is insane! I will not go along with it." She was yelling with a high-pitch now. Her voice always got high when she was angry. If I wasn't in so much pain from what I was about to do, this would have been hilarious.

We stared each other down for what seemed like forever. I was used to doing this with Bella whenever she got angry with me. But I can't think of that right now. I have to be strong, at least for right now. Then I realized that she was not Bella, a human. She was a vampire. It's in our nature to be as still as stone. As vampires, we could do this forever, literally. So I decided to speak first. I didn't have time for this. I needed to get back to Bella. Every moment I had left with her was ticking away and this was taking away from that time.

" I have moved whenever any of you have asked me to without a word or complaint. I haven't tried to stop anyone when they wanted to move on. I have never asked them to explain their reason for leaving. You owe me this and you know it." I said very calmly. As the words I said sunk in, her expression changed from anger to defeat. She knew I was right.

"_Please, Edward"_ she said with her thoughts. Her golden eyes pleading. As much as I hated to hurt my favorite sister, this is what was best for Bella and she is my first priority.

"I'm sorry Alice. I know you love her. Which is why you should see how this is the best thing for her. She needs to be safe. She needs to be happy. That cannot happen as long as we are in her life." I told her. All seriousness gone from my face before I gave it permission to. I was pleading with her. Pleading for her to understand why this was the best thing for Bella. Pleading for her to understand that this has to happen for Bella to be safe.

She breathed out a sigh. A sigh of defeat, "Ok, Edward…………. I will leave with you. I will desert my best friend. I do owe you this. I can't begrudge you this." Her words were understanding but her voice and expression were still full of pain.

"Thanks…… Now can we go in and let the others know?" I said. Happy to have gotten past one member of my family unharmed. Five more to go……….

"I guess". She said. As painful as this was about to be, I know that this was just a quarter of the pain that I would have to endure over the next few days.

Days…..I thought to myself.

Is that really all the time I had left with Bella? Days? Although I had known that we didn't have much time left together once I made my decision to leave, saying the word made it that much more devastating. And that much more permanent. I had imagined being with Bella forever for so long now. It was hard to rap my head around the concept of only a few more days with her.

Alice and I walked in the door together and, as I deciphered my family's expressions and thoughts, I knew that our conversation outside had not gone unnoticed or unheard. They were all sitting in dining room waiting for us.

I walked in the dining room and looked at all of their faces. All of them were experiencing different emotions about what I was about to tell them, but one emotion was consistent throughout all of them. Sadness.

I spoke first before their questions started to flood the room. " So, I'm pretty sure that you all heard the conversation the Alice and I had outside and you all know why I am here." Before I could continue, Jasper thoughts broke my concentration.

"_I'm sorry, Edward. This is all my fault. I will leave. Alone. You should not have to deprive yourself of the woman you love because of my actions. What I did was unforgiveable and I should be the one to take responsibility for---"_

"No, Jasper." I said before he could continue.

"This is not your fault. I forgive you. What happened happened. You are not going anywhere alone. I do not hold you responsible in any way." I told him. And as I said it I realized that I did not hold him responsible for what he did. Yeah, he attacked her and if we all hadn't been there to get him under control he probably would have killed her- _flinch-_but I know that he did not want to hurt her. His vampire instincts took over and I know, all too well, that when that happens it is impossible to stop yourself even though your mind is telling you that it is wrong.

" I am not leaving because of what just happened tonight. That has something to do with it but that's not the only reason. Every since I let Bella interact with our world, she has been in danger. Last spring, because I included her in one of our baseball games, she was pursued by two vampires and almost died at the hands of one of them". I winced as I recalled the memories that have haunted me since last spring. That will haunt me for the rest of my existence. "Tonight, she was once again put in danger because of me", I tried my best to word that last statement making very careful not to make Jasper feel worse than he already did. "Our presence in her life is not good for her. I should have left when you told me too Carlisle instead of staying here and pursuing her. I don't know why I thought this could've worked out. It was doomed before it even began. I think the best thing for Bella is if we leave town. This would hurt her, at first, but she will get over it and go on to live a happy, peaceful life. Free from any danger that our world causes her."

Everyone sat there for a minute. Thoughtless, as they processed my words. Carlisle was the first to speak. "Edward, I know you're thinking of Bella's safety, but this is going to be very hard on you also. Have you thought this through? Maybe you should give it some time? There has to be another way." So like Carlisle, always trying to find a bright side.

"Carlisle, I don't see any other way. The only other way is if there was any possible way for me to become human for her, and unless you know that secret, this is the only option." Oh, how I wish that there was a way. Any possible way at all that I could be human for Bella. I would do it. No matter the price or pain that it entailed, I would suffer it. Anything to deserve her. But there wasn't.

Esme just looked at me. Pain and sadness in her eyes. I know how much she loves Bella and this was killing her to have to leave her, but the thing that caused her the most pain was the pain that I was going to go through when I was without Bella. She was the one that was the most happiest when she knew I had fallen for Bella. Well, besides Alice. She had worried about my loneliness and unhappiness for eighty years and she was ecstatic that I was finally happy. Whole.

"Esme, I will be fine.", I said as I answered her thoughts." It's what's best for Bella and that's the most important thing. Don't worry about me." I said trying to console her. But she knew just as well as I did that this was a lie. I, honestly, don't know how I was going to survive this. But I had to put on a brave face. Especially for Esme.

"Edward, are you sure? This is not a decision that should be made at the spur of the moment. This is very serious. Please make sure that you have exhausted every possible option. This will have tremendous consequences." Carlisle said to me.

" Carlisle, do you see any other option?", I challenged.

"No, but-", he started to say but I interrupted him.

"Does anyone else see any other option? Do you see any other way that Bella can be safe when she is confronted with any our kind? You all have smelled her. She smells too good for any vampire, that's not a vegetarian, to resist her if they get a whiff of her scent. If we're not here, no vampire would get close enough to catch a whiff. So I don't see any other option. If you do, please enlighten me because I don't. "

It was quiet for a moment. Everyone just looked at me. Like they were waiting for me to say that I was just joking or something. They all knew how much Bella had made me happy. How her presence in my life has changed me drastically. They couldn't believe that I was about to do this. I looked at Rosalie and Emmett. They were the only two that haven't said anything about the situation. I wanted everyone's views, although their views were not going to change my decision.

"Do you guys have anything to add? I really do want to hear your opinions." I looked at both of them, even though I really only cared about Emmett's. Emmett looked at Rosalie, then turned back to me and spoke first. "Well, Edward, you know I love having Bella around. She has become my little sister." He said this with no humor in his tone. Rare for Emmett. It surprised me. He usually didn't speak with so much seriousness in his voice. Even in the most serious situations. "As much as I wish that you would reconsider your decision, because I love her too, I can understand. I would do whatever it took to make sure that Rosalie was safe, if she was as fragile and vulnerable as Bella. I won't contest your decision. I'm with you with whatever you decide to do.."

Wow…..was all I think to myself.

I looked around at everyone once I composed my face from the shock of Emmett's words and they looked just as shocked as I did. Emmett started to laugh. "Come on you guys, I am capable of speaking without making a joke and laughing it off." He said. Then he snickered and said, "Well sometimes".

"So when do we leave", Rosalie said. Without an ounce of feeling about the situation. Like she was happy. She hid her thoughts by thinking about all the clothes in her closet and trying to figure out what she was going to wear tomorrow. A growl escaped from somewhere inside my body before my mind had time to register where it came from. Or course she wouldn't care if Bella wasn't in our life anymore. In my life anymore. She never liked her anyway.

Before I could yell every profanity I knew at her for rejoicing about the situation, Alice interrupted me. "Geesh, Rosalie, can you be any less sympathetic? Your brother is about to lose the love of his life and you don't even care. Is your hatred toward Bella really more important than the love that you NEED to be showing towards your brother? We all love Bella, we are all hurting because of this and you don't even care. You couldn't be happier, could you? I just don't understand how you can-" Alice could have continued all night, but I interrupted her once I got a hold of myself. I would get to Rosalie when I had time for that but right now all I wanted to do was get back to Bella.

"It's ok Alice. I didn't expect anything else from Rosalie." That's all I said. Simple. That alone would tear Rosalie up. I wouldn't give her the attention that she craved. I would show her how unimportant she was in this decision.

"So, it's settled then, we're leaving?" I said. As a question, though I wasn't really asking permission. I was beginning to ache from being away from Bella considering the short time we had left. It was like something………. some kind of force, was pulling me back to her. I didn't want to fight it. I wasn't going to fight it. Not now. I would have enough time to fight the magnetic force that pulls me towards her soon enough. There would time for that. Right now I embrace it. I welcome it.

Carlisle answered my question. "I guess so. We'll invite Bella up here tomorrow to tell her goodbye and leave right after."

"No, you can't say goodbye to her. None of you can." That did it. They all started yelling at once.

"What? What do you mean we can't say goodbye?, Alice said.

"Edward, we can't just leave……", Esme pleaded.

"No, Edward. I have to, at least, apologize…………" said Jasper.

"We have to tell her something………" Carlisle suggested.

"I can't leave without seeing her blush one last time……." Emmett joked.

Bella blushing. Even though Emmett was joking, that was one thing that I don't know how I was going live without. Seeing Bella blush scarlet. I shyed away from that image to cut them off in their rants….

"If we make a big scene about saying goodbye, it is only going to make things harder for her. She needs a clean break from us." I told them. The pain in their voices, and their thoughts, as I told them that they could not see Bella again to tell her goodbye was more than I could take.

Alice spoke up, "Edward, if you think that I'm going to leave without, at least, saying goodbye you have another thing coming. You are not the only who loves her. We all love her. What is she going to think if we just leave like that? That's not fair Edward! It's not fair!" she screamed.

"Alice, it's the best thing for her. If she has to watch all of us walk away from her, it is just going to cause her more pain than necessary. I'm sure you don't want that. I'm sure none of you want that." They had to understand. I had to know that they were not going to try to see her before they left.

"But Edward……" Alice started, but I could see that she was beginning to understand me. And so I cut her off.

"Alice, you know that's what she needs. You all do."

They thought about that and agreed, silently.

"So what's the plan? You can't just leave her without a word Edward, you know that." Carlisle asked.

"Well, you all should leave tonight. Head up to Denali with Tanya's coven until we figure out where to go next. I'll stay behind and say goodbye to Bella and meet you up there in a few days."

Carlisle was the last one to speak. Everyone else were sorting out their feelings, but otherwise going along with the plan. They knew they owed me too. "Edward, please make……"

"Carlisle, I love her. More than anything. Everyone knows that. She is the single most important thing to me. But if anything happened to her because she is with me, I would never be able to live with myself. I know that it's going to be really hard to be without her. I'm not denying that. It's going to hurt much worse that dying a thousand deaths. But I will do what it takes to make her safe. And this will make her safe." And in that, he didn't question me further.

As I was leaving, I blocked out their thoughts. I couldn't deal with their pain right now. I had all the time in the world to deal with that. What I didn't have all the time in the world for was being with Bella. That is what my mind is going to be focused on for the next couple of days.

As I ran back to her house, I thought about what I was going to have to endure for the next couple of days. The pain I was going to suffer to make sure that she was happy and safe.

I climbed back into her window and laid down next to her. I felt better already. Relieved. It was like my body felt her absence and her presence put me at ease.

As soon as I got back into my position, next to her, she turned over and snuggled up close to me. Like, even in unconsciousness, she knew that I wasn't there. I begin to think about right and wrong again. My mind was made up already but that didn't stop me from trying to come up with more 'rights' to overshadow the 'wrongs'. But I couldn't, so I gave up. In my defeat, I told myself that instead of wallowing in my decision to leave this loving creature, I would just enjoy these moments. These next couple of days I am going to have to be very distant towards her. But I would still enjoy every minute, because she would be there. I would avoid too much touching because every touch of her warm body to mine would only prolong my leaving. I would avoid kisses because every kiss would only convince me that leaving was the wrong thing to do. No smiling, because every smile that we share would only make it that much harder to face being without it. I had a role to play. This thought brought me back to when we first met and I tried to stay away from her and show her that I was a monster. Just like back then, which seemed like another lifetime ago, I had another role to play.

She woke that morning and looked very tired. Restless. She must didn't sleep very well. I shouldn't have left and stayed as long as I did, but it was necessary. She looked me over and I knew that she was trying to determine my mood. To see if I was still upset from last night. She looked at me with those beautiful chocolate brown eyes and, for a second, I almost changed my mind about leaving. These eyes….these beautiful eyes. If I had a heart, her eyes, staring into mine, would send it hammering against my chest. But not a second had passed before I remembered the role that I had to play and why I was playing it. Her safety. This is for her. I repeated this like a chant in my head. I had to keep a constant reminder of why I was doing this. I knew it would be so easy to change my mind and stay with her forever. But I couldn't. So I just kissed her forehead, not her lips, and ducked out her window. Here we go. The pain and the suffering begin now…….


	3. The End

New Moon: Edward's POV

I hold no rights to anything. Based on "New Moon" by Stephanie Meyer

Chapter 3: The End

I ran back home to change clothes and get my car to go to school. As I pulled up my driveway, I half-expected my family to still be here. Waiting to ambush me and tell me to stay. Or to demand that they, at least, be able to say goodbye to Bella. But as I walked up the stairs at the front porch, I heard nothing. No television, no thoughts, nothing. They were gone. This made it official. I was really leaving Bella. I thought about it all night. Made my decision a thousand times. But coming back to this empty home. My home, somehow made it more official than it already was. I walked through the house, looking around at its emptiness, wishing there was another option, again. Knowing that there wasn't. I walked in the kitchen and found a note on the refrigerator.

"Edward,

We left for Denali, as you asked. We will be here until you arrive. We will decide where we will relocate to once you are back with us. I know we have already discussed this and I know your mind seems to be made up but just think about this some more, son. There has to be another way to go about this. We are here for you. Take as much time as you need. Call if you change your mind. Think about it.

Carlisle"

I have thought about it. I'm tired of thinking about it. The more I think about it, the more I'm probably going to end up convincing myself to stay………. I just need to change now and get to school.

I got to school before she did. Good. I have time to get myself together. To get into character. _Be distant, Edward_, I told myself. I heard her coming around the corner. I had to restrain my mouth from curving into smile. That's ironic. Not so long ago, I had a hard time _making_ myself smile. Before Bella. Now I had a hard time not smiling. Especially when I saw her. She pulled in her parking space and I went over to open her door for her. "How do you feel?" I asked.

"Perfect," she said. She was a terrible liar. We walked in complete silence to class. I matched her stride, not wanting to rush the limited time I had left to spend with her. With the devastating future looming over us, I still relished in this time with her. Even though we didn't speak all morning. Even though we hadn't hugged or kissed. Just being with her was heaven for me. The only words that passed between us was when I would occasionally ask her about her arm and she continued to lie.

I dreaded going to lunch today. I knew Bella would question me when she didn't see Alice. What would I tell her? I hated lying to her. We got to the cafeteria and Bella looked immediately at our table. Alice always beat us to lunch. She was always waiting for us. But not today of course. Alice would never again sit at that table, waiting for us. She was gone where I soon would be. I didn't say anything. I would wait for her to ask me. Maybe she wouldn't, I hoped. I grabbed only a granola bar today before we sat down. I didn't have any energy to pretend with a full tray today. Then she saw Ben and Angela. They were both in Alice's class. Great. I knew once she saw them and not Alice she would definitely ask.

"Where's Alice?" Bella asked me anxiously. What would I tell her? I had planned on pretending to eat the granola bar, but my fingers decided otherwise. "She's with Jasper." I answered.

"Is he okay?"

"He's gone away for awhile."

"What? Where?"

I shrugged. Shrugging was good. Show my indifference, she wouldn't suspect anything. "Nowhere in particular."

"And Alice too"

"Yes. She'll be gone for awhile. She was trying to convince him to go to Denali." That wasn't, completely, a lie. I heard her swallow hard and her shoulders slump. "Is your arm bothering you?" I asked her.

"Who cares about my stupid arm?" she muttered. Disgusted at the situation, I suppose. Or disgusted at my strange behavior. I hated to have to do this. I hated to make her feel this way. I wish I could comfort her, but I couldn't. So I said nothing and she put her head down on the table. I just sat there and looked at her. Looked at how her brown hair flowed down her back. How her hair set off the color of her skin. Then I caught a glimpse of her bandaged arm under her hair and regained my concentration. I have a role to play. So I just stared at nothing for the rest of the lunch hour.

The rest of the day carried on like the morning. Silent. When we got to her truck she was the first to break the silence. I guess finally realizing that I was not going to be the one.

"You'll come over later tonight?" she asked even though I always came over. Did she not want me over now?

"Later?", I asked, surprised that she even asked me that question. I always came over after school.

"I have to work. I had to trade with Mrs. Newton to get yesterday off."

"Oh"

"So you'll come over when I'm done, though, right? She pressed.

"If you want me to." I said.

"I always want you," she said. Very intensely, like she was trying to convey some message. _I'll always want you too_, I wanted to say. But I thought better of it.

"All right, then," I said simply, with no emotion. I kissed her forehead, not her lips again, and shut the door on her. I turned and went to my car. This was harder than I imagined it would be. It was a relief to get into my car and wipe this look off of my face. The look underneath it was no better. It was pained. It was sad. It was heartbroken, even though my heart was out of commission. Ten times worse than the indifferent look I plastered on my face all day. I drove out of the parking lot and went straight to my house. I went up to my room, even though I didn't need to, I had the whole house to myself with no one's thoughts to cloud my mind, but I still wanted to be in my room. I laid on my couch and stared at the ceiling. I laid there remembering the first time I brought Bella to my house and how I felt in that moment. Having her know every secret. The relief I felt when she still looked at me with nothing but love in her eyes. Still treated me like she would anyone else, instead of like the freak I am. That was one of the happiest moments in my life. She loved me unconditionally. And look at what I have done to her. I am despicable. Now I see why I don't deserve to be happy with her. I have always thought that Bella always attracted dangerous things towards her, like a magnet, and I needed to protect her from those things. Even though one of those dangerous things that threatened her life was me. The worst of them all. But maybe I had it wrong. Maybe that was just God's way of trying to keep her away from me. Even if it meant her death. Even if killing her was the only way to keep her away from me. Bad things only started happening to her once she met me. She got around just fine in Phoenix before she came to Forks. And Phoenix is a big city. Maybe this was god's way of telling me that I didn't deserve to be happy. I didn't deserve Bella…… Well, I can't say I'm surprised. I never thought I deserved her anyway. I have to go through with this, though. I can't afford to back out now. I can't afford anything to happen to her because I was too weak to leave, as I had been before. I would only have to take satisfaction in the fact that these past few months have made me the happiest I have ever been in the hundred years I have existed. That at least I've had the opportunity to find Bella, my one true love, my one and only love. Some people never get the chance to experience love. Even a fraction of what I've experienced. And I have experienced enough to last me a lifetime. More than a lifetime, an eternity. I sighed when I turned to look out of my window. It was getting dark. I should head over to Charlie's so that I can be there when Bella gets home. I don't want to waste any more time than I have to. I don't plan to stay with her tonight, as I do every night. I don't think I can take her unguarded thoughts tonight. That would be too much.

It was easier to be distant at school. We had class to take up most of the time. Now I had a couple of hours with just me and her…….and Charlie. If I make it there before her than I can pretend that I was watching television with him when she got there. Yeah, that would be my plan…I hope it works.

I got to her house, thankful, for once, that she had the slowest car in history. She wasn't here yet. Charlie's cruiser was in the driveway parked in his usual spot, so I parked in my usual spot on the curb in front of her house. I looked in the direction of her house and took in the environment before I got out. . As plain and as uninteresting this sight was, I would miss this. I sighed and got out and walked up to the door. I heard ESPN's sportscenter on the television. Charlie loved his sports. I knocked on the door.

"Coming," he yelled. Still not moving away from the television. It took a minute for him to come and open the door.

"Hey, Edward. Bella hasn't gotten home yet." He said.

"I know. If it's okay with you, I thought I would wait here for her." I told him.

"Sure." He said as he let me in. I walked towards the living room and he went towards the kitchen.

"I have some cold pizza in here that I was about to eat. Do you want some?" he asked. Damn….it was easier to turn down food when Bella was here to eat with him. I can't turn him down now.

"Sure" I said. Already regretting my decision to make it here before Bella. I went to join him at the table in the kitchen. I looked at the pizza and thought about how I would have to choke this up later. Ugh…..

We ate a couple of slices and went back into the living room. We sat down and Charlie drowned in the television, as he always did. Where was she? She should've been here by now. Is she okay? Maybe I should………

Before I could finish my thought, I heard her truck not too far from here. Relief washed over me. When she turned on to the street, her heart started beating faster. What was wrong with her? Why did her heart start beating like that? What was she thinking? She pulled in to the driveway and I was about to smile. An involuntary reaction that happened only when I knew I was about to see her. I need to control this. I composed my face into the same face I had all day.

"Dad? Edward?", Bella called before she was even in the house. I would miss that. Hearing her call my name. Hearing how her voice wrapped around it like only her voice could.

"In here," Charlie yelled back. She hung her raincoat on the coat rack and appeared around the corner. I had to fight back the urge to look at her. If I did, I would lose all control. I had to keep myself in control. I focused my eyes on the television. Not really watching it, just making sure I couldn't watch her.

"Hi," she said in a weak voice. She must be tired.

"Hey Bella," Charlie answered, never looking at her. "We just had cold pizza. I think it's still on the table."

"Okay," she said while she waited in the doorway. Waiting for me to acknowledge her, no doubt. I had to look now. As stubborn as she was, she could wait there for as long as it took for me to look over. So I looked over and said, "I'll be right behind you." I immediately turned my eyes back to the television. I could feel her stare still fixed on me as she waited there. I wanted to look back, but I didn't. I continued to stare at the television. After a minute, she gave up and went in to the kitchen. I heard the chair scrape across the linoleum as she took a seat. I wish I could hear what she was thinking. I know she noticed the difference in me. It must be hurting her that I am being so distant. Why hasn't she brought it up? She usually did. I hate this. And then I heard her chuckle. What could she be thinking about? I wish I could just ask her……..but I couldn't. And then I heard her get out of the chair in the kitchen and run upstairs. What was she doing? The curiosity was driving me crazy. It hadn't been like this since before Bella realized I could read minds. Every since I could just ask her. This was killing me, metaphorically.

She was up there for awhile before I heard her coming down the stairs. Slow for her. And then I heard her snap a picture. I looked around then and so did Charlie.

"What are you doing Bella?" Charlie asked, frowning. Echoing my thoughts.

"Oh, come on," Bella said as she came and sat on the floor in front of Charlie. She was smiling as she sat, but something was different. Her smile didn't touch her eyes. And not only that, it seems………….it looked like she was forcing herself to smile. "You know mom will be calling soon to ask if I'm using my presents. I have to get to work before she can get her feelings hurt." Bella finished.

"Why are you taking pictures of me though," Charlie said.

"Because you're so handsome. And because, since you bought the camera, you're obligated to be one of my subjects."

"I should've left it at the store," Charlie mumbled, too low for Bella to hear.

"Hey Edward," Bella said, indifferently, "Take one of me and my dad together."

She threw the camera to me. It looked like she was trying to avoid looking into my eyes. I'm not complaining. I was doing the same thing.

She knelt beside Charlie on the arm of the sofa and Charlie sighed.

"You need to smile, Bella," I told her. She gave the same empty smile as she had before. I took the picture. Charlie was just as uncomfortable with the spotlight as Bella was. That's where she got it from.

"Let me take one of you kids," Charlie said. I tossed him the camera and Bella walked over to me. I put one hand on her shoulder and she wrapped her arm around my waist. Ahhh…………it felt like I haven't felt her warmth, her body next to mine in forever. I wanted to grab her and hold her and kiss her and never let her go. I've missed this. It felt so natural, so comfortable…….

"Smile, Bella," Charlie reminded her as I had. And his interruption allowed me time to clear my head. This was the right thing to do. She took a deep breath and tried, again, to smile as Charlie took the picture.

"Enough pictures for tonight," Charlie said as he shoved the camera in the cushion of the sofa and laid over it, "You don't have to use the whole roll now." I dropped my hand from her shoulder. As soon as I did, I felt electricity run up my hand from the absence of her warmth. I twisted out of her arm, hating every second of it, and sat back down in the chair. Bella hesitated before she went back to sit down against the sofa. From the corner of my eye, I saw her hands shaking. Was she cold? She must've sensed that I saw her hands shaking because she hid them by pressing them into her stomach. She stared into the TV as I did. She wasn't crazy about television either, especially sports. She's going to start asking questions soon. I can't look into her eyes and lie. I've become a professional liar in the eighties years that I have been a vampire. I had to. I've never had a problem lying. But lying to her………..was unbearable. Wrong. I had to go. I won't give her the chance to ask me any questions. Not now. She would know soon enough. When the program ended on the television that was my cue to leave. I stood up and said, "I'd better get home,"

"See ya," Charlie said without looking my way. Bella stood on her feet and followed me out the front door. I walked straight to my car and turned around.

"Will you stay?," she asked. It hurt so much to look at the pain in her face. "Not tonight," I answered. She didn't ask me why. I didn't give her time if she planned to. I got in my car and drove away. I looked in my rearview mirror to see that Bella was still standing outside. Staring at the back of my car. This is painful. It had started to rain and she made no intentions to move. She was still standing there as I drove around the corner. As soon as I was out of her sight I pulled over and laid my head on the back of the seat. I closed my eyes and wished for sleep. Anything to pass the time. I'm tired of thinking. I'm tired of everything. As much as I don't need sleep or rest, I was exhausted. I've never worked so hard to be…….unhappy. And even though the situation was a terrible one, I didn't ever want to be away from her. Every moment with her, no matter how awkward they were now, was pure bliss. I had to work double time not to look into her deep brown eyes, not to get lost in them. Had to work hard not to smile. It was unnatural not to smile, especially when I was around her. I sighed, knowing that sleep was not going to miraculously take over me, not matter how much I wished for it. So I pulled off.

I got back to my house. My empty house and did the same thing as earlier. I went to my room and laid on my couch. Eyes closed. Before I could get lost in my thoughts, I heard my phone vibrate in my pocket. I hoped it wasn't Bella calling to talk. I grabbed it out of my pocket and looked at the number, hesitantly. Relief, that it wasn't Bella. And sadness because I wanted to hear her voice. It was Alice. I picked up, "What is it, Alice?" I said.

"Edward, what's taking you so long?" she asked. "You haven't changed your mind."

"I'm trying to leave. It's harder than I imagined." I admitted. And it was the truth. I had planned on leaving the next day after her birthday, but I changed my mind after I saw her face at school the next morning.

"Edward, what are you doing?..... You don't want to leave. You see that. Stop this. Just stay. We'll figure out a way to make this work. I promise. Maybe we could….." Alice said. I had thought enough about this. My thoughts on the subject were already more than I could handle. I really am not in the mood for anybody else's.

"Alice, the decision is already made. I _will_ make myself leave. This is not about me for a change. She deserves this. I'm not going to discuss it further. I'll be up there soon. Bye." I said and hung up the phone. I shook my head, trying to shake away any thoughts…….. Any emotions……... Anything……… Everything.

The next time I looked at the clock it was time to leave for school. This was the day. This had to be. The day that I would leave Bella forever. The last time I would see her face, smell her scent, feel her warm skin……I had already stayed longer than I should have. I couldn't do it anymore. Drag this out. This was it. Love would be lost forever after today. This is my last day of happiness.

I arrived for school at the same time she did today. I met her at her car as usual and we walked to class. Silently. Again. I couldn't look at her. This was hard enough. We were in English class now. Mr. Berty asked Bella a question, twice. She didn't seem to hear him. What was she thinking? Could she sense what was coming?

"Her husband," I whispered to her. The answer to Mr. Berty's question. And then I went back to trying not to look at her.

At lunch, the silence continued. Bella leaned across our lunch table and spoke to Jessica.

"Hey, Jess?" Bella said.

"What's up Bella?"

"Could you do me a favor? My mom wants me to get some pictures of my friends for a scrapbook. So, take some pictures of everybody, okay?" Bella asked while she reached in her bag to get her camera. What was with her and these pictures? She handed Jessica her camera. "Sure," Jessica said, smiling as she took a picture of Mike who had a mouth full of food. They passed the camera around the table, laughing and playing, and being normal. This is what Bella deserved. A normal life. I glanced up at Bella, for the first time in the past couple of days, and saw something in her eyes. I can't explain what it was. A hint of happiness? She had been so glum the past couple of days, due to my behavior, that the look surprised me. I can't leave today. Maybe tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow. I can't do it today. I just……..can't.

"Uh-oh. I think we used all your film." Jessica said apologetically.

"That's okay. I think I already got pictures of everything else I needed." Bella said.

After school, I walked her to her car, like I always did. In silence. And turned to walk to my car. She had to work again today. I couldn't leave today. Especially when she has to go to work. I got in my car and drove away and went home. As I did yesterday, I laid on my couch and blocked everything from my mind. I wasn't going to go over to her house today. It would only make things worse for her. Having to see my face like this. I wouldn't call her, she would definitely ask me questions then. I would leave tomorrow. She doesn't have to work. Tomorrow, then. I closed my eyes and wished for sleep again.

School the next day was much the same. Silent. Painful. We were on our way to her truck after school when I decided that now was the time. It was now or never. This was it.

"Do you mind if I come over today?"I asked her before we got to the truck

"Of course not." She said.

"Now?" I asked while I opened her door for her.

"Sure. I was just going to drop a letter for Renee' in the mailbox on the way. I'll meet you there," she said. If I didn't do this as soon as possible, I would lose my nerve. I couldn't wait that long. I saw the envelope on her seat and reached over and snagged it.

"I'll do it," I told her, "And I'll still beat you there." I smiled trying to keep it light.

"Okay," she said. She tried to smile back, but I could see she couldn't manage it. I shut her door and headed for my car.

I drove out of the school parking lot. I dropped the envelope in the mailbox and made it to Bella's house in record time. This was it. Could I really go through with it?........No, I can't doubt myself now. I have to be strong right now. I pulled into Charlie's spot. I would be gone before he got home…..that thought alone pained me. I want her to live a happy life. I want her to forget about me. That's the only way she'll move on. If she got over me. I traced up her window into her room. I grabbed the presents we got her for her birthday and was going to take them with me and put them in my car, but it felt wrong. These were her things. I could leave _something_ of myself with her. I saw her scrapbook on her bedside table. I went to look in it to see if she put the pictures in there. I opened it up and the first picture was a picture of myself. It was the picture she took of me before we went to that dreadful birthday party. When I was happy. With Bella. I took out that picture, along with the others of me from the other night. Those were not so happy. I decided to put all those things under her floorboard. I knew this was wrong. I hope she doesn't find them. Not right now anyway. Maybe someday, when she's found happiness with someone else, she'll find them and remember me. I hope she'll forgive me and know that I did this for her. Only for her. I hope that she can know that the happiness that she finds is my final gift to her. Maybe she'll play my CD and think of me. For I will forever think of her. I heard her truck nearby and I composed myself. I walked downstairs to her kitchen to leave a note for Charlie from her. I'm going to take her a little ways up the path to tell her goodbye and I don't want him to be worried sick about her. Who knows how long it will take to convince her that I don't love her anymore? I wrote the note as best I could in Bella's handwriting and left it on the table. I made it back out to my car in record time. As soon as I got back in my car, to make it seem like I was waiting for her, she was pulling around the corner. She pulled in front of the house and parked her car. She shook her head. What did that mean? I got out of my car when I saw her step out of her truck and went over to meet her. She had her backpack in her hand about to take it into the house. I grabbed it and put it on the seat of her truck.

"Come for a walk with me," I told her taking her hand. She didn't say anything and I wasn't giving her a chance to say no. I pulled her along with me toward the forest. Only a few steps into the trees, on the trail, in view of her house, so she could find her way back home…….I wouldn't be here to lead her.

I leaned against a tree and stared at her, wondering how I was going to do this. Her face was so beautiful. She was so beautiful. This fragile girl had given me some of the best times in my very long life. I now I had to leave it behind. I would never love anyone else, but this girl. The only girl in the world. Whose heart I was about to break.

"Okay, let's talk," she said.

Here we go…….. I took a deep breath. "Bella, we're leaving. " I said. Finally letting the words escape my mouth. She took a deep breath too. She was surprisingly…….calm. Had she suspected this? Did she know I was breaking up with her?

"Why now? Another Year-" she said. I cut her off.

"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless." I explained to her. She looked at me like my explanation confused her. She stared at me. I stared back, with a cold expression. I can't show any emotion. Then a flicker of understanding spread across her face, replacing the confusion.

"When you say _we_-," she whispered. Oh…..she thought I meant her and I. How could she think that? Would she really have come with me if I had asked? I couldn't let myself feel any happiness at that realization. I had a job to complete.

"I meant my family and myself," I told her. Emphasizing each word. She had to understand. She shook her head mechanically. It hurt to see this. I waited for it to sink in, and I knew once it did, it would be nearly impossible for her to accept it. I'm glad I left the note. There was no telling how long we would be out here.

"Okay, I'll come with you," she said.

"You can't Bella. Where we're going….It's not the right place for you." I told her. Why was she so determined to be with me? I'm no good for her.

"Where you are is the right place for me," she said. How I wanted to believe that.

"I'm no good for you, Bella."

"Don't be ridiculous. You're the very best part of my life." She had that backwards. _She_ was the best part of _my_ life. She had changed me so completely. I didn't have a life before I met her. But the world that I belonged to just could not collide with hers.

"My world is not for you"

"What happened with Jasper- that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"

"You're right, it was exactly what was to be expected." I agreed with her. I don 't know why I thought, this would work. Why I thought that I could be with a human. I'm not human.

"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay-" she yelled.

"As long as that was best for you," I interrupted her to correct her. and it wasn't the best thing for her. not when she was constantly being put in danger around me.

"_No_! This is about my soul, isn't it?" she shouted at me, furious now. pleading. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you-it's yours already." It hurt to hear those words. I took a deep breath and stared at the ground. This was unbearablke. She had given herself, completely to me. she was mine in every way that mattered. I had wished for this. hoped for this since the first day I realized I loved her. that she would love me as completely as I loved her. and I never realized how far her love went for me until this moment. Her darkest time. Here she is bearing her soul, her heart, for me. But I couldn't have her. she wasn't safe in my world. She must be safe. I held on to that fact and did what I thought I could never do. I got a grip on myself and looked up at her.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me," I said slowly, making sure she understood every word. I looked at her face, watching her as she took in my words.

"You….don't…..wan't……me?" she said. A confused look crossed her face again as she sifted through the words I had spoken and picked out the ones that mattered the most.

"No." If I had a beating heart, it would have shattered at those two ridiculous letters. How could I not want her? all I have wanted since she moved to Forks was her. she had dominated every part of my world. There was no life without her.

She stared at me. trying to find some lie to my words. I stared back, conveying to her that there was nothing left to find but the words I had just spoken. The biggest lie ever told. Looking at her, I felt like my legs would give out. I felt the urgent need to fall to my knees, at her feet. And beg for her forgiveness. But I couldn't.

"Well, that changes things," she said, calmly. I looked away into the trees to hide my face. It was Iike I haven't said a word…….was that _it_? is that all it took to convince her? did she really believe that I didn't want her, this soon? I planned to be out here for awhile convincing her that moving on was in her best interest. Why is she so quick to believe me? what was she thinking? I kept my face to the trees as I spoke, "Of course, I'll always love you….." I said, even though it didn't seem like it mattered. She already seemed convinced that I didn't want her. I wanted to let her know that I do love her even though I had to leave. I can't take it, her believing that I don't want her. but I can't make this more confusing for her either.

"……in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm…….._tired_ of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human." I said to her. after I composed my face, I looked back at her. and it hurt even worse. Her face was as calm as if we were having a regular conversation. But I didn't look away.

"I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."

"Don't," she whispered. "Don't do this."

I just stared at her, with the same expression, while my mind was doing backflips at her reaction. I couldn't believe this. but I had to get this over with. I felt like I was going to burst. I just wanted to scream, '_Bella, what is wrong with you? Haven't I told you I love you a million times? What is the matter with you? Why do you believe these lies?'_, but I didn't. I just continued….

"You're not good for me, Bella" I had turned my earlier words around. And as I said them, comprehension spread across her face and she said nothing else.

I still needed her to do something for me. I wasn't going to be here to protect her anymore. She needed to be safe. If she wasn't all this would be for nothing.

"I would like to ask one favor though, if that's not too much," of course it was too much. What kind of an idiotic question is that?

"Anything," she said. She was too good for me. here I was, breaking her heart, and she was still willing to do anything for me.

Right then, my resolve wavered, and I was _her_ Edward. The Edward that only existed in her presence. She needed to know how important this was. How much it mattered to me. I loved her so much and If anything happened to her……………..

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," I said. With more emotion than I had shown these past few days. This was important. The most important part of this heartbreaking decision. "Do you understand what I'm saying?" I asked her. she nodded. When she agreed, I returned back to the emotionless espression.

"I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself-for him." I added. Keeping it neutral.

She nodded again, "I will," she whispered. I relaxed a little. This was the whole point of this whole ordeal. As long as she was safe………………

"And I'll make you a promise in return. I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back," I will come back to check on you, but you won't know. "I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without anymore interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed." I told her. her knees started to shake and her pulse quickened. If she collapsed, I couldn't just sit here and do nothing. I would have to abandon this plan and stay here with her. then it would take me that much longer to actually leave. I probably wouldn't leave. So I smiled gently to reassure her, "Don't worry. You're human-your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

"And your memories?" she asked. Of course I would always think of her.

"Well-" I hesitated, I was going to tell her that I would always think of her. that she would be in every thought I have. But I had to keep this distant. "I won't forget. But _my_ kind……we're very easily distracted." I smiled to make it light. I didn't fool her though. I took a step away from her, forcing myself to make my exit, "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."

"Alice, isn't coming back," she whispered so low I barely heard her. I shook my head slowly, watching for her reaction. Waiting for it, any reaction. "No, they're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."

"Alice is gone?" she asked. Not bellieveing the words as they came out of her mouth.

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."

She just stood there. Lost in thought. Letting everything sink in, I guessed. I decided, it was time.

"Goodbye, Bella."

"Wait!!" She yelled, reaching for me. I wanted to grab her and hug her and comfort her. I wanted to kiss her and never let her go. I started reaching for her, guard down, she was so vulnerable, so hurt. I had to hold her. One last time, I tried to convince myself. But that wouldn't help, so I stopped myself and locked my hands around her wrists instead and pinned them to her sides. I leaned down. Surely I could afford to give her a goodbye kiss. I pressed my lips lightly to her forehead for the briefest second. Any longer and I would've stayed. Her eyes closed under my lips.

"Take care of yourself", I told her and then I ran…...before I changed my mind and stayed forever.

I just kept running. Not breathing. Not concentrating. My mind went blank of everything else, except for Bella. All I could think about was the look on her face. The look of pain. Of sadness. ………Of Heartbreak………

For the first time ever, I lost control while I was running. I grazed branches and tripped over stumps. I continued running until I ran straight into a tree…

It didn't hurt me, of course, I just bounced off of it and fell to the ground. I wish it had hurt me. I wish I could feel the physical pain. Anything to get my mind off of what I just did.

I stayed there with my eyes closed as still as a statue. I wished I could sleep. Sleep may help ease some of the pain. I wished I could sleep so that I could dream of her. Not that I could ever stop thinking about her, of course not. I wished I could dream of her so that I could dream of us being together. With no obstacles in our way. Free to love each other without worry. So that, even if it's only a couple of hours, I could be with her and be happy. Really happy. Only with her am I the happiest. The most content……

But I can't sleep. I can't dream. And Bella and I can't be together without worry. She would always have to worry about if I can resist her blood. If my family can resist her blood. We would always have obstacles in our way, fighting to keep us apart. So why fight fate when it's determined to keep us separated. This makes me think of Romeo and Juliet. Although I never really liked the story, I can't deny the similarities between that romance and ours. Fate was determined to keep them apart. So much so that the only way they felt they could be with each other was in death. Their relationship was constantly being challenged. Their romance, just like ours, was ill-fated. A tragedy. Never suppose to be…..

But I could not die with Bella. I wish it were that easy. And even if I could die with her, even if I found a way to end my life when hers did, we have no guarantees that we will be going to same place afterwards. At least Romeo and Juliet had that one guarantee, the one promise that they would ultimately be able to be together through all of the chaos that was presented to them. Life had a plan for them, a destiny, but death….. was another story. We're not even meant to be together in the afterlife. We are true star-crossed lovers. Either way you look at it, Bella and I are not meant to be. If I had died in 1918, like I was supposed to, we never would have met. I would be dead by now and she would go on to live a happy life. I'm a vampire and she's human. Hunter and prey. Even if I were human and really 17 years old in high school, we would not be together. I would've been forced to watch death take her last breath by allowing Tyler Crowley's van crush her right before my eyes. I would've been unable to prevent her death. If I were human, I couldn't have saved her and she would be dead. We can't win. There is no way around it. This is the only way…….

At least, this is what I am trying to convince myself. And although, all of that is true, I am still devastated…no, that's not a strong enough word for what I'm feeling. There are no words for what this feels like………

What did I just do? I thought to myself. How could I do that? How could I tell her that I didn't _want_ her anymore? And, most importantly, how could she believe me? I have told her that I love her on countless occasions. I spent every minute I could with her without actually moving in. After all of this time together, all the thoughts and feelings that have been passed between us, how could she let one word negate all the rest? Watching her face as what I said to her sunk in, watching her accept it, that I didn't love her anymore, was the worst part of that very life-shattering conversation. I feel lifeless. I don't even feel like I can even move. Every part of my body feels like it weighs a million pounds. I could quite literally lay here for the rest of my pathetic existence. What am I going to do without her? I just keep replaying our last conversation in my head and it gets worse and worse every time….

The look in her eyes was unbearable…….

I saw straight into her soul and all I could see was pain…. at MY words………

How could I cause the one person in this world that I love the most so much pain? Never did I think that it would be the words that came out of my mouth that would be the reason for that look to come into her eyes. I've always hated it when Jessica Stanley would think negative thoughts about Bella. Hated it because if she heard them, I know that it would hurt her and I wanted to protect her from that. And there I was, speaking words that hurt her more than Jessica's ever could……

As I lay there on the ground, it began to rain. I didn't even know where I was. I didn't want to know. I wasn't with Bella. And if I wasn't with her, it didn't matter.

I just continued to lay there. On the ground of some forest. While the rain poured down on me. Wallowing in my miserable existence. What do I do now? How do I live without her?

How did I live before I met her? It seems like a lifetime ago. Being with Bella had brought so much to my life that before her I wasn't really living. I was just following the routine of my life, not really taking the time to experience it. Maybe because there wasn't anything that caught my attention enough to explore. She had opened me up so completely. Opened my eyes to a better world than my own. A happy place that could only exist with her. Now, without her, what do I have? Nothing. It's impossible to continue to exist when the one thing that makes you feel whole is gone. I only existed before because I didn't know what it felt like to be completely whole. Not really. I thought I was complete in myself, but as always, Bella proved me wrong. But once you feel what it's like to be completely whole, how can you settle for second best. I have to stop. This isn't doing me any good. I just laid there, clearing, or trying to anyway, all thoughts from my head. As hollow as my heart is, it feels like it is being mangled and torn apart in every way possible. I shouldn't have let it get this far. Why didn't I just leave at the beginning? Leave before she developed feelings for me, because I knew, even then, that once she developed them for me that would make it harder for me to leave. Her pain cripples me more than my own.

As I lay here and stare up at the sky, I know that life is over for me. I left it heartbroken and alone on a trail in the forest in Forks. A place that I shall never call home again, even though it will be the only home I will ever know.

Love, life, meaning…….GONE

PLEASE REVIEW!!!!! I AM WRITING CHAPTER 4 RIGHT NOW. IT MAY TAKE SOME TIME. SINCE IT'S ALL EDWARD'S POV, IT'S GOING TO BE HARD. I WANNA MAKE IT GOOD. THANKS FOR ALL THE GOOD REVIEWS. I REALLY APPRECIATE THEM.


	4. Midnight, Again

New Moon: Edward's POV

I hold no rights to anything. Based on "New Moon" by Stephenie Meyer.

**Chapter 4: Midnight, Again**

I don't know how long I've been here…….. Wherever I am.

Hours?

Days?

Weeks?

Month's even?

All those are possible. I haven't really been keeping up with time. My eyes must be jet black from the lack of hunting. I don't care. I don't have any energy to do anything but lay here. In my miserable existence. With my eyes closed. Not closed to sleep or rest. Huh, I wish!! But to see Bella's beautiful face behind my lids. To see soft crimson blush her cheeks, to see her eyes light up with a big smile to welcome me, to watch her reddish-brown hair blow in the wind, to get a glimpse of her soul by just looking into her captivating chocolate brown eyes. Eyes that tell every secret, every wish, every desire. Without needing her thoughts, because I can't hear them anyway, her eyes reveal everything that's worth knowing. They reveal how pure and genuine her heart is. The selflessness she embodies. It's astounding! I could lay here for the rest of eternity and just picture her face in my mind. That face alone would get me through every agonizing day without her.

I just laid there on the ground of some unknown forest, replaying my last conversation with Bella over and over in my head. Watching her expressions and her reactions as she believed the lies I was telling her. Why? How could she believe me? It surprised me, and tormented me, how easily and how soon she accepted that I didn't love her. I don't understand. Never, in all the time that I've known her, that I wanted to read her mind more than in that moment when she accepted those words. Her calmness. How could she be so calm? What did that calmness mean? What was going through her head? I sighed and shook my head at the frustration. The frustration and the pain of not being able to ever ask her those questions……… Oh, my love. My Bella.. I was filled with so much happiness being with her. So much joy and contentment. So at ease. I felt the sobs trying to break through. At first, they were uncontrollable. In those first weeks. I would shake uncontrollably while they tore through my chest. I couldn't stop them. I didn't have the energy to. Or the will. I knew that I deserved the pain I was enduring. That I am enduring. I would gladly take pain much worse than this to ensure Bella's safety and happiness. Every time I thought of the pain I saw in her eyes at my words, of the way her legs shook when she knew I was about to make my exit, at her expression when she realized that I was leaving without her, the broken sobs would escape from my chest before I consciously gave them permission to do so. Each time worse than the previous. The pain hadn't gotten better. Worse actually, the longer I was away from her. But I learned to control them…most of the time. They still escape me from time to time, when I let some of those haunting memories invade my mind….well, okay, _let_ is a bit of an understatement. But nonetheless, I tried to control them.

There are no thoughts to intrude my mind in this wilderness and nobody to bother me in my grief. Nobody to witness my self-destruction. Nobody to…..

"_I know he's around here somewhere" _ Alice thought to herself from somewhere close by, interrupting my reverie. I should've known Alice would come and find me. I didn't open my eyes to find her. I didn't even open my mouth to alert her of my location. I wanted to be left alone. She should've seen that.

"Edward, where are ……." She said and then cut off when she saw me laying there on the ground. Her thoughts went from confusion to sadness. Remorse.

"Edward?" she asked but I couldn't bring myself to speak. It felt like if I opened my mouth the only thing that would come out would be broken sobs. If I even opened my eyes. So just laid there. Silent. Oblivious.

"Edward?" Alice said again. Impatient. If only she could read minds, then I could tell her that I just want to be alone without risking the breakdown that was sure to come if I made any move to acknowledge her.

"Edward, I know you hear me" she said, finally getting irritated by me ignoring her.

"What?" I said, teeth clenched. Surprised at how different my voice sounded. It sounded husky. Probable from misuse. Couldn't she see that I didn't want her to come find me? Couldn't she see that I just wanted to be by myself? To suffer by myself. What I deserved.

"Edward, what are you doing?" she asked. I knew I had to say something, Alice was stubborn enough to wait for an answer, no matter how long it took for it to come. I would have to answer her. The sooner I answer her, the sooner she would leave me to my grief. I used whatever control I had left to speak to her, knowing the control wouldn't last long. I was already expending a tremendous amount of control to keep myself from running back to Forks and begging Bella for her forgiveness.

"Alice, what do you want? I know you saw that I wanted to be alone. I know you saw that I would be angry by you showing up." I snapped at her, eyes still closed. A part of me knew that I shouldn't be using this type of tone with her, but the other part of me really didn't care.

"I just wanted to come and see how you were. I've watched you in this forest every day, waiting for you to do something…….anything. But you just lay here, day after day. Not moving an inch. I was worried. We all are." She said and her voice sank into a deep sadness.

"How do you think I am, Alice? I'm miserable…….. No, that's not even a strong enough word. I can't even describe what I'm feeling right now. _Everything _hurts. Every inch of me is in agonizing pain. She's gone, Alice. GONE!!!!" and right then, as I screamed that last word, the little control I had left melted away and broken sobs started to escape from my chest. Why couldn't there be a way to prevent this? Why couldn't there be any other way to make sure Bella was safe? I loved her so much. More than anything. More than myself. I yearned to see her, to feel her warm fingers curl around mine, to feel her in my embrace as I wished that I could mold our bodies together so that we would never be apart, to feel her sweet lips move with mine with eagerness and excitement………..I sighed and whispered, "Bella," Too low for even Alice to hear. I shook my head mechanically to try to shake those memories from my mind.

"Oh, Edward……I've never seen you in so much pain. I hate this. Maybe we should just go back and figure something else out. Maybe we can………" Alice said and then let her words trail off as I finally opened my eyes and shot her a menacing look.

"THAT'S NOT AN OPTION," I growled at her, emphasizing each word, making her step back on her heels. If I could go back I would. If there was another option, does she really think I would've been able to leave in the first place?

"But look at what it's doing to you. How much it's hurting you. This can't be the right thing to do. Look at how much pain you're in." she said, pleading. She wanted to go back to Forks, almost as much as I did. I hated taking her away from her best friend, but why can't she see that there is no other choice. If she only knew how much I wished it were that simple. That I could just go back and make everything okay. Make our world safe for Bella. There was no such thing as safe when it came to our world.

"Alice, _please_……." I said, pleading with her, eyes closed again. It was easier to stay calm when I closed my eyes. I saw Bella when I closed my eyes. How could I not stay calm looking at that beautiful face behind my lids.

"Edward, just think…………" she said but I cut her off. I can't take anymore of this.

"NO!!!! You're making it worse than it already is Alice, and I didn't even think that was possible." I opened my eyes and yelled at her. Her expression caught me off guard. It was both of surprise and pain. Surprise at the loudness of my voice and pain at the severity of my words. As soon as I looked at her, my expression calmed. I didn't want to hurt her. I had done enough hurt to last a lifetime. I didn't need to add more unnecessary hurt to my list of destruction. I just closed my eyes again, "Please, Alice……..Please, just let me be alone right now. Please." My voice broke on that last word. I just wanted to lie here, alone. With my eyes closed. When I opened them, reality hit, and I had to face the truth. Bella wasn't with me. I was alone. As I would be for the rest of my life. Or for the rest of Bella's life, I corrected myself. The sun that had risen in the middle of my midnight had returned to its rightful place. And my world was dark again. Darker than before. Back to the unchanging midnight that had filled my life for so many years. But……when I closed my eyes, the sunlight would show itself, shining as bright as ever. And I could see my Bella……….but only when I closed my eyes.

"But……" she started, but then stopped herself. Realizing that I had nothing else to say, no doubt.

'_Just one more thing, Edward….'_ Alice thought. What else could she possibly want? I said nothing. Hoping that she would just leave without another word. Wishful thinking……

"Will you come back to Denali with me? Everyone misses you. We want to help you." There was no helping me. Why couldn't she see that? I won't get over this. It won't get easier.

"Trust me, Alice," I said, eyes still closed, "The others are better off without me right now. It hasn't even been that long……" I said and then my brow creased as I realized that I didn't even know exactly how long I've been……where am I anyway?

" Do you even realize how long you've been out here?" Alice asked, echoing my thoughts. Of course I didn't know. Or care.

"No", I simply said.

"You've been out here for two months, Edward. You haven't hunted and you need to clean yourself up. This isn't healthy" she said." Everybody's worried about you. Esme is worrying like crazy. She asks me how you are every hour it seems like. Carlisle is spending most of his time at work. Taking extra shifts at a hospital he found up there. He says that he's fine, that he's not worried, but I see him in his office sometimes, just sitting there with his face in his hands, for hours at a time. I know he misses you. I know you're going through a rough time, Edward, but you do have a family that wants to help you deal with this. Don't shut us out" she said. If I didn't hate myself before she showed up, now I despise myself. Leave it to me to hurt everyone I love with one decision. In one blow. Is there no end to my destruction of others? Maybe that's my real purpose, to cause pain to everyone I come in contact with.

"Alice, I'm so sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. For hurting you and everyone else. That was definitely not my intentions. And I'm not trying to shut you guys out, I just don't know how... how to go on. To continue existing without her."

"I don't have the answer to that one. I'm not sure if there's even an answer. But you can try to deal with this and let us help. If it doesn't work out than you can always leave. At least then you can give a proper goodbye to everyone and we won't have to worry if you're okay. Please…… I don't think I can take Esme's pain anymore. She's so distraught. You know she always worries about you the most. Please?" Why did she have to bring up Esme? She knew how I hated to hurt her, and hearing about her pain only made it worse. At the mention of Esme, my resolve started to waver…..

I guess I could try to go back to my family. What will I do though? Start over in a new high school? Start college? I have never been this lost and confused in my entire existence.

"Ok, Alice" I said, finally giving in. "I'll go back with you. I can't promise anything though." I told her. Just imagining all the thoughts that I'm going to have to endure. Not even including my own.

"What do you see in my future, Alice? Do you see me getting past this?" I asked, suddenly. Part of me didn't want to know what my future held. If Bella wasn't in it, it really didn't matter. But then another part of me wanted to know how long this pain will last. If it will ever get better.

"I don't know. You haven't made any decisions about anything. You know that if the decision isn't made I can't see what will happen…I wish I could say or do something to make you feel better, Edward. I miss her too, but I know that it's nothing compared to how much you miss her." Miss her, that was an understatement. " I've never lost anyone I loved the way you loved her, I can't even imagine how that must feel"

"I………" I tried to think of a way I could explain this to her. But I couldn't come up with anything that would sound even remotely close to what I'm feeling, "I can't really put it into words…….. I have never felt any kind of pain like this before. It's even worse than my transformation. Not the physical pain, obviously, but pain nonetheless. I would gladly go through transformation a thousand times if I could have Bella in my life and have her happy and safe at the same time. I just don't what to do now……. it feels like I was offered a little piece of heaven and then had it snatched away from me. It's like…….once you know what heaven feels like, how can you go back to the way things were before?"

"Ummm……….." Alice murmured. I could tell she didn't know what to say. She wanted to find something to say or do to comfort me, but she was at a loss. That's a first for Alice. "Well, let's get you home" She simply said and helped me off the ground. She put my arm around her neck and helped me up. It was then that I realized I must have been here for as long as she said. I was very weak. I could barely hold my own weight. That's rare. Especially for a vampire. But she didn't say anything or think anything. She just helped me up and waited until I regained some strength. She even asked if I wanted her to carry me. At that I had to smile. A half-smile, though, nothing but Bella would really make me smile. I half- smiled, not because I thought she wasn't totally capable of carrying me and racing back to Denali, but because she was so small. It goes against the grain, I guess. But the gesture was sweet.

"I'm not that fragile, Alice. I think I can manage running on my own." She smiled. It was an awkward smile. She was uncomfortable. She couldn't see my future clearly, for one, and she didn't know what to do to help me. She has always counted on her talent to direct her and when that failed it made her uncomfortable. As I balanced myself she looked at me with the most agonizing expression, wanting so badly to make my pain go away. But nothing would make that go away. I would just have to get used to it.

"I'll be ok, Alice…... Relax, you're making me nervous" I teased her and then ruffled her hair. That made her smile. Even thought it was a total lie. I wasn't going to be okay. I don't think I ever will. But I will attempt to be better than I am right now. On the outside at least. For them. On the inside I will be writhing in agony. Burning in my own grief. Longing for the one thing that I want most. My Bella.

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	5. Pretend

New Moon: Edward's POV

I hold no rights to anything. Based on "New Moon" by Stephenie Meyer

Chapter 5: Pretend

As we ran to Denali, all I could think of was Bella. Remembering how she used to cling to me when I ran with her on my back, just for the pure enjoyment. Running would never be the same again. Feeling the warmth of her body against my back, feeling her breath against my neck sending tingles all over my body, hearing her sweet giggles in my ear……… I hope we get there soon because any longer and I may not make it. I may collapse as I did two months ago in the unknown forest after……...I can't even think the words. How am I going to be able to mask this pain around them? And….most importantly……how am I going to explain this to Jasper? No matter how I may hide my feelings from my family, Jasper will be able to feel this searing pain flowing like waves of fire off of me. I would just have to have a talk with Jasper when I got to the house. Surely I would be able to confide in him to keep the details of my pain just between us. He didn't like keeping things from Alice, but once he feels my pain, he'll understand the need to keep it between us. Even secondhand, this kind of pain will definitely knock him back on his heels.

Before we got there, though, I also knew that I had to prepare myself for everyone's thoughts. Not only my immediate family, as if theirs weren't enough, but also Tanya's, Irina's and Kate's. Tanya's especially. I haven't been back here since I first met Bella and I fled here to get away from her. Or her scent, rather. I should've just stayed here then. Maybe none of this would ever have happened. Of course, I still would have been thinking about her. Even back then, before I even really knew Bella, when I would close my eyes, all I would see was her face. But, unlike now, her face behind my lids always held a bewildered expression. But now, after I have had the chance to know that magnificent creature, to earn her smiles and be rewarded with the look that always came into her eyes when she looked at me. The look of complete trust and devoted love, that vision of her bewildered expression disappeared and was replaced with a happier, lovelier Bella. But even if I had never have come back to Forks, to ease my pride and my ego, if I'm being honest, I would have been utterly content to live out the rest of my existence watching that bewildered expression behind my lids, fighting the curiosity of her silent mind. Any vision of Bella was to be treasured, adored.

We were close to Tanya's house. I started to slow down. Alice looked at me and did the same. '_What is it, Edward?'_ Alice asked with her thoughts. I looked down and shook my head, "I can't promise you anything, Alice. I can't promise that I'm going to stay here with you guys." I told her, suddenly regretting my decision to come here in the first place. What was I thinking? This is not going to work, being with them. I need to be alone. I deserve to be alone. I can't be the Edward they need me to be. That Edward doesn't exist anymore. Not without …….Bella. It hurts to even think her name.

"I know that Edward. I already told you; just give it a try, to please Esme. If you can't stay with us, we all would understand that. We just want to try to help however we can. We can't even imagine what you're going through. We won't object to anything you decide to do," she said. _'It's not like any objection on our part would work anyway, we objected to leaving Forks, and now look where we are.'_ Alice thought, and I winced. She looked at me and the expression on my face was like someone had just shot a knife through me. "Sorry. I haven't had to think twice about what goes through my mind for a couple of months now. I'm sorry. I know that's not making this better for you. I'll try to watch my thoughts." She said, apologetically.

"That doesn't mean it wasn't true. You don't have to apologize, Alice. I don't think anything could make me feel any worse than I already feel about my decision." My voice was expressionless, dead.

"I'm supposed to be trying to make you feel better. I'm not doing a very good job."

"Don't worry about it. It's a worthless effort anyway."

She started to say something else, but I cut her off with my hand. I didn't want to hear anymore apologies. I just wanted to get this over with so I could find somewhere to go alone to wallow.

We walked through the double doors to the house and were greeted by everyone. Everyone came one by one to hug me like they do the mother of a deceased person at a funeral. Well, I guess it did kind of fit the occasion. I felt like I had died all over again anyway. But I don't deserve anyone's pity or sadness. I could tell that they were all trying to control their thoughts around me. Well, not all of them. Only Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle, and Alice. They were all thinking of random things. Rosalie was thinking of her BMW, Emmett was reciting the rosters of every sports team he could think of, Carlisle was thinking about every disease known to man, and Alice had started to recite the Catholic bible. Jasper and Esme, on the other hand, weren't trying to hide their thoughts from me.

'_Edward!! I'm so glad you came. I was so worried about you. Are you okay? Well, no, I know you're not okay. I'm just so glad you're back. We're going to help you through this son. You know I'm here if you need me....whatever you need. '_ Esme thought, as she hugged me again. Tight enough to cut off air flow, if I needed it. Which I don't because I'm not human. I can never be human……..I need to get out of here. I can't hold myself together. It's only a matter of time before I breakdown again, and I don't want to do it in front of Esme. But there was still one more thing I needed to do before I made my escape, but before I could even turn to face him, his thoughts had already invaded my mind…

'_Whoa, Edward….I just….I don't…I wish there was something I could do……this is awful…….I'm so sorry…I never knew anyone could feel this much pain. This much torture…Edward…..'_ he could've went on and on but I had to cut him off. I didn't need him to reiterate what I was feeling. _I _was feeling them.

"Uh, Jasper can I speak to you alone for a minute please?" I said, interrupting him. I just needed to get this over with.

"Sure…." He said. He followed me out to the back garage. Unsure of what I would wanted to talk to him about. My brother and I were close, but I hardly ever went to him for advice. Not because I didn't trust his advice. How could I not, he was almost as old as Carlisle, but because I usually always got my answers to the tough questions from Carlisle and the answers to the other inconsequential things from Emmett. Once we got to where the others couldn't hear our conversation, I turned slowly to face him.

"Jasper, I need to ask you for a favor, if you don't mind?" I asked him.

"Sure, anything Edward." He said. Surprised at the sound of my voice. It didn't sound like me at all.

"I need you to keep what you know about the pain that I am going through to yourself. Please. I can't stand it if they have to worry more than they already are. I'm going to try my best," _and not succeed, _I thought wryly, " and not let them see how much pain I'm really going through. You're the only one who knows how much pain that actually is. Please, don't tell Alice. Can you do that for me?" I asked. I felt exhausted from having to play 'happy' already. I was using so much energy to hold myself together that it was starting to take a toll on me and I needed to get away from here.

"Of course, Edward, but we're here to help. You don't have to pretend to be okay. We all know this is a very bad time for you."

"I know, I just think it's better this way." I said simply.

"Okay.." he said, sensing that I was anxious to go.

"Thanks, Jasper. I'll owe you one."

"No, just call it even." He said. He was still blaming all of what happened on himself. I would've acknowledged that but I didn't really feel like getting into it. Not right now.

"Tell the others that I'm going hunting. I'll be back later"

"Want some company? I'm sure Emmett and Carlisle need to hunt too."

"No, I just want to be alone"

"I understand" he said. Then he turned and walked away. Before he was even out of the garage, I was already running as fast as I can, anxious to get away.

I found a patch of woods somewhere in the Denali National Park Wilderness that looked perfect enough for sulking. I feel like a drug addict who needs a fix. I haven't had time to even close my eyes to see…her…face. I was anxious for it. I found a spot that was off of any trail and I lay down and closed my eyes………..ah….there she is. My Bella. I sighed. Those eyes….her blush…those…….lips. This is the only thing that will compel me to continue to exist. Seeing her face in my mind. Knowing that somewhere in this world, she exists. My soul mate. My match. And although, my addiction was satisfied for the moment, I still couldn't stop the sobs from breaking out of my chest at this moment. I miss her so very much. I know I really need to hunt, but I just can't bring myself to move. Not now.

I just lay there, shaking uncontrollably from my sobs, thinking of her. My love. My life. My…….Bella. Wondering how I could have made a bigger mess of things. How I could have hurt her worse that I have. How, as much as I tried to protect her from everything that was ever a harm to her, the thing she needed protection from, confirming my worst fears, was me and my family.

I wonder what she's doing right now. Is she happy? It's been a little over two months since I left Forks. Surely she would be better by now. I sometimes envy the way humans can change so rapidly, physically and emotionally. How quickly and easily they get pass things. However, even though I envy that fact, I would rather suffer this pain for the rest of my existence as long as I am able think about her and love her than to simply be able to forget about her. Just thinking about forgetting her is painful enough. How could I possibly forget about such a creature? I hope she is safe. Without us she would surely be. That is most important. But the selfish part of me wishes she was thinking about me. Longing for me as I am for her. Picturing my face in her mind. But I can't want such things. Because thinking of me and wanting me is not good for her. She must move on and be happy and…….and…….find someone else. And as those words flooded my mind, the broken sobs got worse. It's unbearable to think of someone else earning her smiles, making her blush, being given permission to touch her soft, warm, skin. And, worst of all, someone else kissing her. AHHHHH!!!, I screamed in my head. But this has to happen. She has to be with someone that can make her happy. She deserves it. More than anyone else in this world deserves it. Human or other.

I noticed the sun rising. I had been out here all day and night. I completely lost track of time altogether. I need to get back before Alice comes to find me. This is hard already. Being with them. Having to pretend that I'm trying to get better, when that's the farthest from the truth. I got up off of the ground and headed back.

When I got back to the house, it was quiet. I heard nothing. Which only meant one thing, they were hiding their thoughts. This is going to be worse than I thought. I walked in, and sure enough they were all there, sitting around, doing nothing in particular. But I still heard nothing. I just shook my head.

"Where are the sisters?" I asked. Just realizing that I had not seen them since I've been here.

"Their away visiting old friends." Carlisle answered.

"Oh" was all I said in return.

"I thought you went hunting?" Emmett asked. Damn, I forgot about that. My eyes are jet black.

"I wasn't thirsty anymore" I said, hoping he would let it go. He did.

But as I looked at them, the irritation of their silent thoughts disappeared and something else took its place. What was this feeling? I don't think I've ever felt it before. I looked at them again and it hit me. It was envy. I've never felt that around my family before. But I understood exactly where it came from. They were three completely devoted and happy couples. Sitting together, enjoying each other's company. Carlisle and Esme were reading together while Esme lay in his lap. Alice and Jasper were just staring into each other's eyes, having one of the private conversations that they had. And Emmett and Rosalie were playing a video game laughing and teasing each other. This was definitely new to me. Before Bella, when I was alone, their relationships never affected me. Maybe because I hadn't known what being in a relationship was all about. I didn't think I needed to have that. But now, after Bella, after losing her, the sight almost knocked me to my knees. I can't do this. I can't be here. I can't be around this every day. I have to leave.

As soon as I thought about leaving, Alice's head snapped up and I saw what she saw. She saw me leaving. But she couldn't see where I was going.

"I have to go," I blurted out before I knew it. Before Alice could say something.

"But, why? You just got here." Esme pleaded. I hated to hurt her. I only came here for her. But I'll hurt her worse if I stay and she has to see me suffer.

"I just need to be alone right now, Esme, that's all." If she knew why I just decided to leave, it would hurt her and she would try to do whatever she could to make me stay. They all would. Which would mean that they would try their best to keep their distance from each other. To never touch in my presence, and that would also be unbearable to watch.

"Please, Edward. Just think about staying. We want to try to help you. We could help each other. We all lost her." She said, but their loss was in no comparison to mine. "I know it doesn't compare to how you feel," she continued, echoing my thoughts, "But we loved her too."

"I can't, Esme, I just….. can't. I'll keep in touch, I promised." I told her. Nobody else said anything aloud. Carlisle was to only one who finally unguarded his thoughts before I left.

"_It'll be ok, son, call us when you can. Do what you have to do to try to get better.'_ Carlisle thought. I nodded at him, thankful for his understanding. I turned to look at them one last time before I left. On my own. For the first time since I came back to Carlisle, after my rebelliousness. Where was I going to go? What was I going to do? I walked out of the door, not knowing when I would see my family again. Or if I would.

I just ran, back to my spot from earlier today. I was aching to 'see' Bella, again. Now uninterrupted. Alice wouldn't come looking for me. She promised if I left again, giving them their proper goodbyes, then they would let me go. And not follow me. Or try to find me.

I lay down and closed my eyes, as I had before. And there she was……….

As beautiful and perfect as ever. Why did God allow so much to hurt her? Or to try to hurt her? Well, she should be safe from vampires. No one of my kind knows about her. Except for Laurent, and he was trying his hand at the vegetarian diet. Besides, he never wanted to hurt Bella anyway. It was only James and Victoria. I growled involuntarily at the names. James surely got what he deserved. But…..Victoria is still out there…….Somewhere. How do I know that she won't come back for Bella? Try to hurt her….while I'm not there to protect her. Well, I would make sure that doesn't happen. I would put all my energy into making sure she doesn't get anywhere near Bella.

I took one long last look at her beautiful face. Satisfying this craving I had to picture her behind closed eyes for as long as I could. Savoring every inch of her face. Picturing her eyes. Her deep, brown eyes. Now I had a mission. An obligation. Well, Bella, I thought to myself, you always said I was good at everything. Let's see how good I can be at tracking………

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